Another Foreign Concept: "CHIARIRE"

Can we get something straight here?

Americans do not CLARIFY situations.

We IGNORE them until they go away. And if they do not go away, then at least until they no longer make us angry. Part of the process of IGNORING the situation is actually ignoring YOU, if you happen to be the CAUSE of the SITUATION.

Yes, people. We give you the cold shoulder not because we want to be mean, but because we ASSUME that the problem is NOT REALLY YOU, but rather OUR REACTION to something you did.

If we are angry about something you DID or DID NOT DO, it is OUR problem that we need to work out in our quiet little way until we feel better.

YOU have nothing to do with this transition. Please, leave us alone to brood. We are the sole invitees to our lonesome pity party.

THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN ITALY. BE WARNED.

The Italian tendency is to want to identify how YOU made a mistake and CLEAR THE AIR by yelling at you until you see where you messed up.

If you know how to play the game, though, you will respond with how the OTHER PERSON is REALLY the person who was WRONG.

At this point, it becomes a BARUFFA, which, for us ANGLO SAXONS, means a FIGHT:

So, CLARIFY in Italian can be translated roughly to FIGHT in English.

And we are LOVERS (even if we don't feel comfortable talking about it), NOT FIGHTERS.

Here is where cultures collide.

We ANGLOS ignore YOU ITALIANS but you keep following us, chiding us, bugging us, until we

A. GIVE UP AND BLOW UP AT YOU and spend months regretting this loss of self-control and worrying about how badly we must have hurt your feelings

B. SAY, YES YES, YOU ARE RIGHT. Now will you stop yelling at me so I can go in my room and close the door?!

Then you Italians say YES, OF COURSE I AM RIGHT. I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THIS FOR THE LAST THIRTY MINUTES!! THANK YOU FOR FINALLY LISTENING.

Then things have been CLARIFIED.

The Italians go off feeling very happy and satisfied the relationship has reached a new level of understanding.

The Anglo Saxons then go into their room, close the door and read a book until we finally get over it.