American Politics for Barcola Beach Goers

Maybe you've noticed, Italians. The Americans have their undies in a bunch over the upcoming Presidential Elections when they SHOULD be thinking about how and where they are going to spend the entire month of August.

But, let's face it.

You and I know that:

1. No one gets the entire month of August off anymore, and
2. Politics are SUPER ULTRA MEGA boring.

So I thought I would give you a few tips so that you can handle the politics conversation long enough to be able to eventually CHANGE THE SUBJECT to something more interesting, like food. Or wine. Or Grappa.

 Lesson 1.

A "Tea Party" candidate is an ultra rightwing conservative Republican. Just think Triestine Ultras but instead of going to soccer games they go to church. I don't think they actually drink tea. They probably drink milk straight from the cow in the back yard, or maybe a Schlitz beer on special occasions.

But don't trust my definition. Here is what Google says.

tea par·ty

noun

1. 1.

   a social gathering in the afternoon at which tea, cakes, and other light refreshments are served.
2. 2.

   a US political party that emerged from a movement of conservatives protesting the federal government in 2009.

I am talking about definition 2. 

Lesson 2.

What we call the Democratic party has two candidates who are fighting to become the official Democratic candidate in Novembre. They veer left. There's Hilary (Clinton's wife, she did some other things, too) and Bernie (White guy with white hair. Says he is a Socialist, which to most Americans means Communist and in America Communists are still scarey).

Lesson 3

Donald Trump. The American Berlusconi (with hair). He is the Republicans' choice to be the Republican Candidate but the Republicans hated him but now they like him and the important thing in the end for the people who like him is 1. He is not Hilary and 2. He is not Obama and 3. He is a rich man who has created successful Reality Show Franchises. His wife is Slovene.

Lesson 4.

Elections take place in November.
Yes, Americans living outside of America can vote. They give us a choice if we want to vote by pencil, or internet. I chose internet. We vote before the elections when the American soldiers do.

HERE ENDS OUR SERIES.

 As you can see I am an AUTHORITY on these things, so feel free to ask for my absolutely FREE and UNBIASED OPINION!!

Now let's go to the beach!!!