Finding the Right Bagno For You

It's summer here in Trieste and you know what that means: going to the "bagno." You're thinking: I do that every day several times, but in Trieste andare al bagno means to go to the beach. It's all in the preposition.

First, remember that in Trieste beach has nothing to do with sand. If you are into sand, you will have to drive an hour away to go to Grado or Lignano. If you stay in Trieste, don't say I didn't warn you, and please don't try to school me on what "beach" means because we are in Trieste and the rules are different. Here, what is normally considered a boardwalk by the sea is called a spiaggia or, in Triestino, il bagno.

Because I love you and want you to fit in, here is a trigger warning:

Do not get the Triestini started on the debate about Concrete vs. Sand because it is a battle no foreigner can win. Here are the arguments in advance.

Sand: Bad
1. Not hygienic.
2. Gets in your swimsuit and itches.
3. Prevents water from being transparent.

Cement: Good
1. Fits more people. (Carry your portable chaise-longue or brandin by your feet on your scooter)
2. Does not get in your swimsuit and/or itch.
3. Allows water to be transparent so you can see the prickly sea urchines (also an indicator of clean water) before you step on them (Don't. Trust me on this.).
4.  Provides a flat surface for your card table so you can play gnagno (which is Triestine UNO) or other card games with your deck of Triestin cards (listen up, over 75 crowd, and get there early!).

If Barcola area is your preferred beach destination, for a chance at parking, try transition times like 5am (especially if you are bringing your card table and four folding chairs), lunch time and after work.

Different areas at Barcola
        Topolini: Built by the Americans after the war, they are tiled areas where teens hang out.   
         Pineta: This part has a little pebble beach, so lots of families with small children. The wooded  area has shade, another draw for families. Don't hang up a hammock here between two trees and try to catch a nap. You could get a 300 euro fine. 

There are a few kiosk bars and you are walking distance from two pizzerias and several restaurants and an ice cream place, too.

If you are feeling athletic and want to get away from the crowds, go a little further down the road towards Sistiana with your car.

Filtri is good if you are feeling adventurous and don't mind walking. Park and take a hike down to the water and back up: more work means less people.

There are a couple options in downtown Trieste.

Pedocin: It is near the port and the Aquamarina swimming pool. You pay one euro to enter here and it is divided by gender. The women's area is crowded. The mens' part is not.
Ausonia: Also downtown, you pay to enter but have summer entertainment as well and even yoga at sunset and that type of thing.

From here, you can go to Muggia, and look for the perfect solution along the coast. There is a doggy beach near the Lido hotel, by the way.

Molo T is a nice place for kids to spash around. There is a pebble beach and also a pier for diving and clanfe.

Most beach areas in Trieste and Muggia have a bar outside but feel free to bring your own snacks.

Enjoy your summer!!
 

Sunday Lessons in Village PR

We finally had some time to get stuff done around the house today so Cristian was out in the driveway cutting wood this morning. See, we have this woodburning stove we use to supplement the regular gas heat (and having fires in winter rocks). Since there are other people at his work with fireplaces and woodburning stoves, they order their firewood together. You can load it up and take it home when you want (company perk, Triestine style). The wood is cheap but you have to cut it to fireplace size yourself, which is a great excuse to buy a chainsaw.

Which brings me to the lessons I learned today.

Lesson 1.
My husband really loves his chainsaw.

Lesson 2.
Chainsaws are Man Magnets.

Within about 10 minutes there was a 3-man fanclub out there talking wood: where to find it, how to cut it, the best ways to burn it.

And in this neighborhood, when men come over to talk anything, you better offer them something to drink. This is met with, "Oh no, I couldn't. You are so busy..." followed by "Oh, alright. Let me bring home the hound and I will be right back."

When they come back, they bring a bottle of wine and you know it's going to be good because it has no label, which means that it is "Domace" and if they didn't make it themselves, someone close by did. This is a precious gift and a gesture of friendship.

Of course, you will not open it (now) because you also have a bottle waiting. It also has no label and is "Domace," fresh from the cantina of someone in the village up the hill. In this case, it is Emil's, the one with the twin boys who just graduated from College. Uncle Boris gets his wine from him, too.

The neighbors stay for two drinks and in that time they talk about what the village looked like 40 years ago, when our house was a small grocery store and the yellow house on the corner was a bar, and the house behind ours was the bakery.

Oops. Look at the time, they drink up, and say their goodbyes. They, too, have a lunch to get to. We call the mother-in-law and explain that we lost track of time. We were cutting wood, the neighbors stopped by and Cicole Ciacole, an hour has passed. In the meantime the washing machine finished its cycle and we still have to hang out the clothes (in our village you hang clothes outside even in winter), then we will be right over. Of course, she says, that's life in a village.

Kids Playing in the Street

My thought of gratitude for this Sunday evening was supposed to be that the weather changed and it got cold, which normally happens during the second half of August. It did get colder yesterday, mind you, but NOT COLD ENOUGH. It's still effing hot and I don't know what to wear anymore. Because my skorts that I normally wear ALL SUMMER are like ENOUGH ALREADY!! And my jeans are all like YOU'RE TOO FAT and it's STILL TOO EFFING HOT TO FAKE IT!!!

So forget that moment of gratitude, because even at our FAVORITE OSMIZZA this afternoon in San Giuseppe (Zerjal, but please don't go, because it's already too crowded) the women are all grimacing (in the bad kind of way) because they have never suffered such hot weather in September. But they are happy to see me, since we are neighbors.

Instead, I will tell you that the best part of this little Osmizza outing was when the lady at the counter said, after telling me it's never been so hot in September since the beginning of time (and I know she is right because in the last 15 years of proof I have this is absolutely true, and why wouldn't it also be true for the several million years before that?)...

 "Your daughter? Where is she?"

and I was all like: Daughter? Who Dat?!

Because, you see, I live in a PAESE, or a little VILLAGE, where the children leave the den at sunrise and return at sunset because they are PLAYING TOGETHER IN THE STREET.

Is there TRAFFIC? You ask. You bet! Tons of it, but the kids do like we used to do when we were little: scream CAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!!! And then they take the ball into their arms, and flatten themselves against the nearest house in order to avoid being run over.

All of us parents know that our kids are hanging out together in one big girl gang (plus a couple of boys) that has a triangle of influence that goes from Anna's place, to Eva's, to Isabelle's. There is always one set of parents on duty, which means that you get a ton of stuff done at the house that you can never get done during the week because your kids are outside and not asking you to do anything for them. Even if they are inside, they are on their own.

So, today, our friends who, in the not-so-distant-past did not believe such a utopia could possibily exist, came over and liberated their monkey with ours, and we went to the Osmizza, had a couple of sparkling malvasia's and came back to our place for one last drink.

We could hear the girls, of course, because they were playing some sort of ball game with a deflated volleyball that resembled a cross between volleyball, rugby, and dodgeball, and created several minor injuries.

But it didn't matter, because there were also three fridges, and three freezers full of ice, and towels all over the place, ready to ice all of those old-fashioned play in the street wounds.

Viva Domenica!

Welcome to Ricmanje

Now that we have moved to a small village in Val Rosandra, our life has changed. While we live about five minutes away from our old apartment in the periphery of Trieste, it's like we moved to a new planet.

Today I want to tell you a little bit about my new village: Ricmanje, or San Giuseppe della Chiusa, as it is known in Italian. The fact that it has two names gives you a sense of the place. It has a split identity and the name you choose to use with people says something about YOU (hint. with Slovene speakers say Ricmanje).

Here are some other fun facts!

1. Ricmanje has a unique  sign on the Bike Path that cuts through it. It looks like someone designed and made it in metal shop class during their lunch hour. There is no other sign like it on the bike path. It catches your eye as you pass on your bike or you huff through on foot. 

2. Ricmanje is part of the Comune of San Dorligo, which means it is in Val Rosandra, so it's on the prettiest part of the bike path (not to brag!!)

3. It is 124 meters above sea level. From here you have a view of Cattinara hospital (isn't that everyone's dream?) and the gulf of Muggia (just in case you thought, like I did, that you had to live in Barcola to have a sea view!)

4. If you live here you do not need a watch. The church bells tell you everything you need to know. During the week they even ring at 6am (first chime of the day, time to start waking up) and 7am (too late!)

5. The village has two symphonic bands. I guess there used to be just one but there was a split at some point. Isn't that crazy? I live close to the place where they practice. This summer it was like having a free concert every night.

6. There are two actvie Osmizas here. There used to be 15.

7. San Giuseppe is full of cats. If I were a photographer (which I am not, as you can tell by this blog) I would make a poster and profile each one and call it "The Cats of San Giuseppe" in the style of "The Doors of Dublin" my mom used to have hanging on her wall. Feel free to steal that idea. I will buy a copy of it and put it on my wall!

8. The houses here were built around the church and the ones closest to the church are about 1000 years old (although our house had its last face lift at the end of the 1970s, doh!)

9. The church here is famous because a miracle happened here in 1749 the Priest is an Exorcist. I am not kidding. All well documented.

10. When locals order pizza delivery, if they want their pizza to be hot when it gets here they order from San Dorligo, the only pizza place that knows what questions to ask to be able to find your house which is NEVER "what is your address?" Houses are numbered  in the order they were built. The question to ask when you make an appointment in San Giuseppe is "where are you in relation to the church?"

If you want to come up, take the number 41 bus from the Station. Check the schedule, though. There are few busses during the day and the timetable largely reflects the old train schedule that took people to work in Trieste in the morning and brought them back to San Giuseppe in the evening.

My house is on the street below the church. If your back is to it, hang a left. If you go around the big curve, you have gone too far.

Babies in Lipica

I can't get enough of this picture. I even put it on as the background photo on my phone, much to my daughter's dismay as she usually chooses which pictures of HER I should put there. 

This was the area at the Lipica Stud farm where mares and their new foals hung out before being introduced back into the larger group. As you can see, the babies are black and become white when they are adults. For now that little one just has the white socks. 

There was one little baby who lost his mother during childbirth, which broke everyone's heart, of course. They were feeding that one every half hour with a bottle and working on getting him "adopted" by another mare who had lost a baby. In the meantime, that horse got some serious love from the human visitors. 

So sweet. So worth the visit.

Lunch and "Due Passi in Yugo"

The weekend has passed and no doubt if you are lucky enough to live in Trieste, you probably went out for lunch on Sunday in Slovenia and then out for do Passi afterwards.

It is a curious tradition that the Triestini preserve. It goes back to times before the fall of the Iron Curtain, which is evident in the language used to describe the phenomenon.

The invitation (in Trestino) sounds something like this:

A: Femo qualcossa in weekend per star assieme?

B: Volentieri. Demo fora maniar qualcossa in Yugo?

A: Va ben. Poi femo do passi.

Eating out "in Yugo" as in: the country formerly known as Yugoslavia, with friends and/or family on the weekend is going to involve some negotiation to 1) choose the right restaurant and 2) decide which border between Italy and Slovenia to meet at to be close to the destination. You will caravan together on the big day.

Choice of location is based on two things: 1) the ratio of price to quality and 2) how popular it is with Triestini. There is a direct correlation between the two. A gostilna has the best quality/price ratio as long as it is somewhat new and caters to the Italian palate yet remains unknown to the mainstream. Once too many Triestini start going (popularity is based on word of mouth), prices go up and portions go down. The trick is to get there "in time" before this happens. Curiously, once the place becomes truly popular, the Triestini no longer go there. They will have found a new place by then. Popular restaurants in Slovenia are much like free illegal parking places where you don't get ticketed in downtown Trieste, they change once too many people know about them. When the Triestini no longer go, the restaurants start to do really well. The "foreigners" keep them alive. First the people from the Veneto start coming (thanks to Tripadvisor), then the Milanesi, and finally the Germans as they pass through on their way to Croatia in the summer.

The "do passi" after lunch should not be confused with an actual healthy hike. It is short and sweet, just enough to say you went for a walk, especially since lunches in Slovenia tend to be a good excuse to stuff oneself with all forms of heavy comfort food. Actually, the smart Triestini meet 10 minutes earlier than usual for their walk so they can "earn" the gnocchi with goulash and follow it with a Lubljanska and a couple of homemade beers without feeling guilty.

If you haven't been privy to this practice and would like to start, feel free to adapt the above dialogue to fit your needs. Here is some more insight into the vocabulary you will use most often. Remember, when in Trieste, speak like the Triestini!

1. Stare assieme: Hang out and be together
2. Magnar tanto pagar poco= Poca spesa tanta resa: Cheap place with big portions/more bang for your buck
3. Far do passi= go for a walk (literally make two steps)
4. Volentieri: Gladly (in the dialogue above). Can also mean: would love to give you what you are asking for but we don't have it. Bad news if you are at a store...

Dober tek!

Don't Forget Saint Nick

Just a quick reminder for those of you celebrating the holidays in Trieste. Saint Nick comes here. He's due on December 6. He doesn't just fill up your shoe with candies, either. He brings you REAL PRESENTS. They say this goes back to the Austrian tradition.

Kids are into Saint Nick, so make sure you leave your door open so he and his donkey can come in. He doesn't do chimneys even though he is skinny, so he could fit easily.

If you go to Viale XX September  you will see the Fiera di San Nicolò. That is another reminder for you not to forget St. Nick's day.

My sweetie hasn't forgotten. She has already written a letter saying that she wants a cat. A 3-YEAR-old cat. Not a 3-MONTH-old cat, mind you. It's a tall order, but Saint Nick is magic and he has two days to get it together. We'll see what the jolly old guy comes up with.

Also, don't go to school or to work on Friday. It's the day of the Immaculata.

Enjoy your short week!

Can we PLEASE Unplug our Children?

I know I am not the only one who has noticed that our kids have become sassy, grumpy, and dissatisfied in general, and this has a positive correlation with the amount of time they spend watching t.v., playing with parents' phones, ipads, playstations, etc.

It's time we admit that screens are addictive and counter-productive to becoming the happy, social creatures we humans are meant to be. This is especially so for our kids. I can't tell you how many times this summer I witnessed kids sitting together at tables, in parks, at peoples' houses. They are playing on their devices but not talking to each other.

In fun situations, they are not having fun because they are not getting their technology fix. Instead, they are giving their parents the stink eye and pouting. They know exactly how to get our attention, too. Some scream until we get embarrassed and give in, others cry and have a fit, still others just fume and silently hate us.

And then we give in. Why is it so hard for us to stick to our instinct (which clearly states that the phone or ipad is getting in the way of normal behavior). Do we really fear our children's wrath so much? Is this how we think we are earning their love?

Yes, it's our fault, parents. We can't say no. It is easier to say yes. We want to talk to our friends, we can't bear the thought of our little sweeties getting bored, we think we have to keep them entertained at all times and at all costs. We feel guilty for a million other things, and we want our children to love us.

But this, my friends, is not how we communicate love. We have to stop equating giving kids everything they want with love and acceptance. We have to be a strong point of reference that protects our children from things we know are harmful. Our kids love us more when we create security and protect them. We are not the same. Just because we look at our phones all the time does not mean that our kids have the right to do the same. (We should also cut down, by the way).

It's back to school time and the teacher in me is coming out to give orders. It's time for me to give you permission to do what your kids will hate, but will give you inner peace sometime in the future because you know you are doing the right thing. What we need to do is create a NEW CULTURE in the house.

It's time to snuff out the bad habit of not allowing our kids to get bored (which leads to creativity and a simpler, healthier kind of playing and happiness).

If your kids have not gone back to school yet, you can already start. Get into the habit of being a mean mom or dad (and reap the benefits). Here is how.

Create some new rules.
1. No T.V. or electronic devices during the week.

At my house, we parents also don't watch t.v. during the week, which we think takes away valuable time from talking, reading, and doing other things together. The first week is hard. The second week is heavenly.

2. Teach kids what time means the tough way.

Saturdays became ALL ABOUT T.V. when we stopped watching during the week, so I added another rule. For every hour of t.v. (or tech) you have to complete a nature walk with your mother (I can use the exercise) before the weekend is through. When Sweetie watched 2.5 hours of t.v. we ended up doing a 9-mile walk the same day. You can bet her hunger for t.v. cooled after that!

3. Just say NO!

A kid not getting their way in the short term is painful for them and for you. It is counter-intuitive but when  you say no to harmful habits and behaviors and create positive routines as a result your children will love you MORE, not less!

Your kid may talk like an adult at times, but she is not. She is a kid. She does not get to make all of the decisions. She can make some of them. Also, kids automatically say no to what they are not familiar with. If you want to try a new experience that you know your child will love, make the decision in her best interest. Do not get her permission first!

4. Let them get bored.

When we were little, our parents sent us outside to play when we drove them nuts. Sometimes they locked  us out to make sure we stayed out there. We don't do that to kids nowadays, but the idea is clear. You as a parent are not responsible for making sure your kid is entertained at all times. If you keep the t.v. off and do something else (like make dinner or clean out your sock drawer), chances are your kid will do something amazingly adorable (like help you make dinner or clean out her sock drawer or make you a beautiful piece of art or write in her diary). The key is she has to get to the point of boredom.

My friend Monica loves to tell kids that in French (and in Italian) Being bored is a reflexive verb, as in "I bore myself" Je m'ennuie, Mi annoio. So, happily point out (when the complaining begins) that boring yourself is a choice and she has all the tools to fix it.

A quick reminder:

Doing the right thing takes courage. You will feel pressure not only from your children and other family members but you quickly see that other parents do not share your courage. This will make you feel terrible as you go out for dinner with another couple and their child who is happily playing on mom's phone while yours is looking at you with that pleading look of desperation. Yes, these moments are hard, but, if you stick to your guns, it will be your child who comes to you later to say.

"Wow, were those kids boring. They were on their phones the whole time!"

Good luck and STAY COURAGEOUS, parents! We are in this together.

Three Sagras in One Weekend

Sagra della Sardella -- Trieste

Saturday night we went to the Sagra della Sardella to see Lorenzo Pilat do his last gig of the summer. If you haven't seen him yet, try to catch him while you can. Everyone knows that Triestini have a pact with the devil as far as longevity, but Pilat is 79 and still playing his one-man show and singing everyone's favorites: Tram d'Opcina, Finanziere, etc. I don't know how long he can keep it up...

The Sagra della Sardella has changed locations over the years. It started out having something to do with actual water (Sardella is a fish after all) but it didn't last on the Rive for long. When I went for the first time a few years ago it was already in the outskirts of town at Campanelle. Now it is held on the Horse track (Ippodromo), which is an odd place for a Sagra, but it's not a bad location after all. There is lots of space and parking is easier. The food is good and the prices are fair. The wine isn't great, but you get what you pay for.

Festa del Pescatore -- Santa Croce

It was a lazy Sunday and we weren't sure what to do after lunch. In the end we went to Santa Croce to a mini-sagra celebrating its fishing heritage. Santa Croce was the only fishing village in the Carso (it looks down over the Filtri, if you like to go to the beach in the less crowded areas). They had activities for kids and a tug of war competition between folks from the inland part of the village and those looking over the sea. I am not sure who won because I was back in the giardinetto eating and drinking. There was a nice selection of fried seafood and a surprising plate with a grilled tuna steak, boiled potatoes and veggies. I found a veggie option: Capuzzi and Fasoi (my favorite). They also had fried zucchini and eggplant. The food was yummy and not too expensive and the wine was local.

Sagra di Prosecco -- Prosecco

On the way home we stopped at the Sagra in Prosecco where some of the guys working on my house were camping out and working from Friday- Sunday night slinging Civapcici by day and partying by night. I wasn't sure what they had to do with Prosecco because normally the people who live in the village that is holding the Sagra organize the weekend of events with proceeds going to their cultural association. Churches also hold Sagras.

This sagra was different, however. When we got there we saw that it was organized by the TLT or the Triestine Independence Movement.  So there was lots of talk of the good old days when it was the Free Territory of Trieste. The food was typical Sagra food: Meat and french fries, Palacinke (crepes), and beer and wine.

The highlight of the Prosecco sagra was music in Triestine and a set by DJ Zippo, who basically holds a sagra-wide aerobics class. Everyone gets into it and does the synchronised dances of the summer. Super fun.

Living the Elementary Green Dream!

I have to say I am quite impressed with what kids learn in school in Trieste from an early age. Earth day is not really a THING here like it is in the States, but there is an emphasis on living the green life every day.

My sweetie is in first grade and here is how she's learning to live the green dream.

1. Kids wear a smock over their clothes.

In her school the girls and the boys wear the same color: dark blue. The kids know that when they put them on they are in SCHOOL and not at Home, or at Grandma's house, and they act accordingly. On a green level, they are protecting their clothes and therefore less washing needs to go on at home (and thank God for that, as most of us here have no dryer, also green, even if I still miss having one sometimes).

2. Kids bring slippers to school.

They have their outside shoes and their inside shoes. This keeps their classrooms and common areas cleaner, therefore less need for heavy-duty harsh chemicals.

3. Kids grow a garden with their teachers.

They have a little plot of land about a 5 minute walking distance from their school. They plant all kinds of goodies and get to see them grow. They also see where their food comes from and have the opportunity to see a project through its entire cycle. This week they are beginning their "Fruits and Vegetables" project. There is a dietician coming to meet with parents and explain how parents can support it at home. For now, we got a note reminding us to have lots of fruits and veggies on hand and talk about them with our kids.

4. Kids leave a cloth napkin at school.

They use it all week for their snack and lunch and then bring it home for washing on weekends.

5. Kids leave a hand towel at school.

They use it to dry their hands after they wash them. They each have their own hook in the bathroom. When the weekend comes we do a load with the smock, the napkin, and the towel so we are ready to send them with her again on Monday.

6. The kids leave their own water bottle at school.

They fill up their bottles as they need them. Plastic disposable bottles are discouraged.

Yes, this is public school, but it's not just her school. I think most of the elementary schools in Trieste have similar routines.

These green details may be small gestures, but put them together and you create routines that can last a lifetime and make a real difference. Well done, School!

Send the Kids Skiing!

There seems to be a stark contrast between parenting styles in Trieste.

On the one hand, there are the mothers who see themselves as combat soldiers in a constant struggle to defend their children against their tyrannical teachers who assign too much homework, and the schools that provide inadequately delicious food to fuel their children. They monitor their children's time, schedule them abundant play time so they can be children. They vow to never let their children ride the bus unaccompanied by an adult until at least 3rd year of Middle School and are the administrators of the parents' whatsapp group.

Then there's our group of parents from Little Sweety's first grade class. Case in point.

We get a little flyer one day about a ski class for the kids. Five saturdays from 6:30am to 6:30pm. Not much more info on the sheet than that, which is an invitation to call. So we did. And the information was the total price, and how to participate.

Simple:
1. Drop your kids off (with the skis they rent or buy ahead of time)  in a big parking lot at 6:30a.m.
2. Fetch them at the end of the day.
3. If you give them 6 euros they can eat lunch.
4. Bus costs 12 euros total for one day.

No info on what they are supposed to bring, or what to wear (I have skiied twice in my life. Not an expert).
No form to fill out (oh yeah, we'll do that next week), no emergency numbers for any Just in Case situations. No possibility to pay (hah?) before the kids go to their first lesson, our babies, without us for a whole day.

Saturday morning the kids, who are a little nervous, hop on a giant bus with Slovenian licence plates that is (hopefully) heading to a place in Italy where people ski two hours away.

And all of this seems, like, Fine, at the moment of drop off.

And, frankly, ALL DAY as I got more stuff done than I can remember in recent history on a Saturday. Time flies, in fact, and since 6-year-olds don't have phones, we don't really have any updates, so it goes even faster!

The lady on the phone said they would be back between 6:15 and 6:30p.m..

It is 6:15 on the dot and we are waiting with the other parents in the parking lot. We exchange comments like Is this normal? Who are these people again? Do we have a phone number for them? Do they have ours?

I start to wonder if the over-protective mom-squad was right. What if they don't come back. What have I done.

Then, at 6:29 the bus rolls in, the kids get off, they are happy and bursting with energy. They see a patch of ice and immediately go and try to make snow balls out of it (we live in Italy, remember) and throw them at each other. The chaperones are cool as cucumbers. They say the kids were good. They mostly listened, only a couple of them got lost, but then they found them, so, yeah, it was a good day.

But... can we pay?
Well, we are really tired now, how about next week?

Awesome. Can't wait for next Saturday!

How to Have a Vegan Over for Dinner

Tired of your busy social life and want a break from all of those dinner invitations? I have two solutions.

1. Have a kid.
2. Tell your friends and family you are following a Vegan diet.

I know what I am talking about. Believe me!

Number 1 makes you temporarily Untouchable until your friends either embrace the Lunch thing or you find other people with kids to hang out with. Don't fret: that will happen at three years old when little Sweetie goes to scuola materna. 

Number 2 is more difficult to navigate. At first I thought this was only the case for self-righteous pains in the arses who are judgy and annoying. But, actually, it turns out to be the case even for those of us who are perfectly charming, easy-to-please, non-judgemental, wonderful people!

When I was just merely vegetarian, see, people treated me with fascination and slight pity. What do I eat if I don't eat meat? How do I get my protein (news flash, a POTATO has enough protein for a day, people, and it is not particularly protein rich, just saying.)? Wouldn't I just die for a nice steak? (No. A can of tuna, yes). It must be so complicated not eating meat, but at least you have fish. No fish either? Wow. Can't imagine that. Well, I am cutting down, too. Hardly eat red meat anymore. Mostly chicken, cold cuts, that sort of thing... To the meat eaters I didn't pose much of a threat, especially since my not partaking left more tartara for them...

My mother-in-law still has a hard time with the concept. She asked me nearly every week for six years if I was Still a Vegetarian. For her, my diet choices were problematic. She felt it was her responsability to offer another option and sometimes that pressure was overwhelming. Until I pointed out that I could just eat everything except the meat. Her solution was to provide large quantities of Cheeses and egg products to make up for the lack of meat. To her that made sense.

Then I cut out dairy and eggs.

That was when MY life got better, but those around me got WORSE.

Oh, being a Veggie wasn't bad enough?! What did we do to deserve THIS?!? (Did I tell you Triestini have a tendency to take things personally?)

Let me offer two solutions from the Vegan perspective. We are not as different as you think.

On my plate, the Starch is the star. I do not care about carbohydrate issues. I eat as many of them as I want, and at any time of day (nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!)

Just put POTATOES, BEANS, LENTILS, RICE, OR PASTA in the area where YOU would normally put a hunk of meat.

For everything else, you and me, we are cool. I eat the veggies and the salad just like you do.

See? It's not so hard.

I am even happy to bring a dish to pass so you can try something yummy and new, too. Just ask!

Ok? Are we clear? Can we have supper together sometime again? Because I miss our little talks. And Red Wine is vegan, my friend. Another thing we have in common!

Planning a Family Reunion

My family lives in about 7 states total. We, like many other American families, do not see each other very often. Every few years, however, we make a plan to come together and party like nobody's business. Normally the meeting place is near the home of one of the ELDERS. My mom's house, or my Aunt and Uncle's place. Makes sense-- the Boomers have space and money, the salt and pepper of a good party. This year we changed the rules. Well, actually, it was about 3 years ago, which was when we started to plan our European reunion in Trieste for this summer in June. In the end there were about 23 of us in Trieste, we worked it all out, and we had an awesome time. Since a couple of people have asked how we managed to do it, here are some guidelines in case you would like to do something similar.

1. Start planning 3 years in advance. This gives everyone time to save up, get off work, get a passport or renew their old one, and mentally prepare.

2. Plan for 3 days with one BIG party on one of them. We make our Big Party on Fathers' Day because in the US it always falls on a Sunday in June. That is the day that all guests MUST be in town. This gives people wiggle room to make their plans and get a good deal on plane tickets.

3. Unless you live in a place like Rome, Venice, or Florence, don't count on everyone wanting to stay in your town just because you live there. Some members of my family got their tourism out of the way before coming to Trieste, others started here and went off to other places they hadn't seen yet after recovering from our party. Trieste is a great home base for trips to Venice, Rome, Slovenia, etc. Ryan air flies out of Trieste and Treviso, too. Easy jet flies out of Venice.

4. Lodging. Help your guests by giving them different options as to where to stay. Hotels always have airconditioning, which Americans appreciate when it is hot as a mofo in Trieste. I had people sleeping at friends' places, my house, in a residence (hotel where they clean once a week) and at a hotel. Everyone was happy. You provide the resources, they make their own plans. I think that works best. Put people close to busses so they can be self-sufficient. Everyone stayed downtown, so that made transportation easy, too.

5. Activities: We planned a series of things to do that people could opt to participate in... or not. We made everything we could Kid Friendly. 

Guided walking Tour of Trieste
Family Italian language class
Treasure hunt at the farmers' market
Cooking class
Dinner made by family with chef Federico
The Big Party

6. Transportation. Trieste is largely a walking city and my people stayed downtown. Those who did not were within feet of a city bus stop. There are also taxis and my family used those too. When we went up to the Carso to our party, we rented a bus to take 20 people and the other handful went in cars. If you want to rent a bus, try just over the border in Slovenia,  and there are places in Trieste, too. Be careful, though, weekends are much harder to plan in the summer because of all of the other little day trips people organize. The train is always a good idea and kids love them. They key is putting people in a position to be autonomous.

7. The Party. Finding the appropriate venue is not easy in Europe, especially if your group is big. We opted to go up to carso and have our party at a wine-producer that also has the Best Osmizza in the world. We worked out a price per person ahead-of-time and a menu. They gave us a great deal. My family drank A LOT of wine, so we threw more money in over the course of the evening.

Final thoughts.

8. You never know who is going to come. We had some last minute confirmations, and other people didn't come who we thought for sure would. No biggy. Do not take these things personally. Love the ones you're with.

9. Let your guests be part of the plan. You can give them information and guide them, but, ultimately, the success of the shabang is up to everyone, and that takes the pressure off.

10. Don't forget the family portrait. They are dippy as hell, but you just HAVE to. Our uniform this year was the Italy soccer shirt. I found them on sale at Lidl for cheap cheap cheap and bought one for each person, including the Italian components taking part in our reunion. They made for an awesome picture and a rocking souvenir!

11. Create a closed Facebook page of your event. This helps people get psyched up and becomes an online journal of everyone's trip. Afterwards people share their photos and videos here. I still go back to ours and look at it sometimes and remember how much fun we had.

12. Other Communication. Important info should be shared on Facebook and email for those who don't DO Facebook, especially in the time leading up to the reunion. In Trieste you don't always have wifi, so your family should know that you can also make meeting times and places just like in the olden days. Europeans use Whatsapp much more than imessage, by the way. Some of the family members NEVER communicated directly, but that was okay because there is usually a spokesperson in each family that just naturally speaks on behalf of the others.

13. Home Base. We used the Italian American Association as a home base, since it is centrally located, there is wi-fi, a bar downstairs, and I was often there.

Conclusion: Keep your plans flexible, give people options, make sure there is plenty of wine, and you can't go wrong when you are planning your next reunion!

HAVE FUN!

Great News in 2017 for us BUS PEOPLE

Exciting news from Trieste Trasporti. The price of an individual ticket has actually GONE DOWN, which is the first time in the History of the World that I have seen this happen (or at least in the last 13 years I have been living in Trieste. Once it stayed the same for two years, but this decrease is a first). The price will go down from 1.35 for an individual ticket (60minutes) to 1.25.

Second bit of news: Kids ride free with a valid ticket-holding adult up to the age of 10! Kids shorter than 1 meter (you measure this when you get on the bus at the front. There is a line there marked one meter) are always free.

The difference this year is that kids taller than one meter need to show a special I.D. card issued by Trieste Trasporti proving the age of the child. You can do this online for 5 euros, but if you go directly to the office and do it, it's free. I did not take the bus with my sweetie every day, but over the course of 2016 we still managed to spend 199.80 on Bus Tickets for my 6-year old. Yes, I keep track of these things (so you don't have to).

The price of year-long bus passes also stays the same this year. If you buy it online there is a 5% discount. You can pay with a credit card or, if you have an Italian bank with online banking, you can choose the "My Bank" option, insert the name of your bank and do it through home banking. That is what I just did. It cost me  euro 326.33. I then request an invoice and send that over to my accountant and part of it gets written off.

Just wanted you to know!

FYI UPDATE FOR 2018. KIDS STILL GO FREE IF UNDER 10 AND TRAVELLING WITH AN ADULT. THEY MUST HAVE THE SPECIAL I.D. CARD.

Speaking Foreign Languages has NOT Made me Smarter

I was just reading an article about how bilingualism makes you smarter (I love those kinds of articles, by the way), and I was just about to feel very smug and intelligent when I remembered what I did yesterday.

I was at the IKEA at Villesse and we were about to leave when little Sweetie and I decided to go to the bathroom before we got into the car for the ride back to Trieste. We are trying to cement in the habit of going even if we don't "have" to, because the urge usually hits us as soon as we get in the car and have missed our chance.

So, we went into the FAMILY BATHROOM. A very sweet idea. Two toidies together. Little toilet for Little Sweetie, Big Toilet for Big Mamma.

Only one problem. No hooks for the purse, no changing table or similar to put the purse, what is one to do?

Easy. Put your purse into the Little Sink for Little Sweetie, which is just next to the Big Sink for Big Mamma.

Yes, GREAT IDEA, especially since it is an Automatic Sink that turns on whenever anything (which should actually be your HAND) blocks that little dark circle that activates the torrent of water.

For the full effect, don't notice it right away. That way you fill up your purse.

Waterlog your electronic devices.

Dump out your purse, swear like a sailor, yell at your kid for mocking you and repeating those terrible words you are allowed to say but She is Not.

Curse IKEA for being so darn green you can't even find a paper towel to throw on the floor to prevent an accident for the very next family to use this amazing facility.

Yes, do that. Hold your extra battery's plug hole close to the vent (which you put on high) in the car. Pray you have half a bag of basmati rice left in your cupboard to put your phone in when you get home, look forward to that 48 hour wait to see if it will work again, blow dry your journal, hang your permesso di soggiorno up to drip dry and have an Excellent Day!

It's Time for the PROVA(s) Everyone!

September marks the beginning of a new academic year for those who teach, and those who study, not to mention the handlers  parents of the latter. To celebrate, I thought we could have a moment to contemplate the wonders of CHOOSING AN AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITY to keep the kids out of our hair a couple of hours a week help our little sweeties grow and become conscientious, strong, independent Team Players.

Here is what you need to know.

Age 3-5: You have Ultimate Control. You know exactly what you are doing, because You are the Mom/Dad and You. Know. Best. 

Activities at this age are both Athletic Opportunities moments for socialisation and certain Success in Later Life Positive Experiences. Choose Wisely. In fact, this is your Last Chance to give your babies that oh-so-important  competitive edge  Sfogo that only Learning through Play can provide. It will also ensure they will Not go to State School like you did prepare them for a rich and varied cultural life. There is Music class, English time, etc. I mean, come on! Everyone knows that soon the window will be closing on your child becoming properly imprinted for Physical and Mentally Superbness.

I and 98% of Triestine parents suggest swimming. Make sure you choose a pool the babysitter and/or Nonni can get to without complaining too much. The first two lessons are free. Your kid will enjoy the heck out of those and in some pools you can even watch your little seahorse and dream of Olympic grandeur at the same time! Lesson Three, when you have paid for an entire year in order to get a 5 euro discount, your kid will cry and carry on and you will hate yourself for the next three months until you become desensitised and hand over that screaming banshee without even batting an eye. Their problem now.

"See you in 45 minutes, Sweetie!!"

Age 6: You know what you want but all the other girls are doing Gymnastics (and the boys are doing Calcio)! You are powerless against the Triestine Forces of Conformity.

Social pressure becomes nearly unbearable when kids get to elementary school. This is when parents understand the Truth. We are not as all-powerful as we once thought. While we still control the pocket-book, we desperately want our children to love us, and this becomes increasingly difficult in the Triestine context unless you submit to the idea that:

"Children should be Happy" in their after-school activities,

and

"Children should not have too many activities so that they have time to play and be kids."

No more asserting your Will on the wee-ones without coming under direct scrutiny by your Triestine husband, the Triestine Nonnis, and the Triestine community at large. Find refuge with the other ex-pats who believe neither of those statements to be true as long as you have a Long-Term VISION for your child's future (which, of course, you DO).

However, this is a battle you cannot win.

You may have liked the Pool after two years of getting used to the routine, the ego-strokes of having your kid convocato to participate in competitions (which start at age 4 if your child is particularly *ahem*  aquatic or has that certain, shall we say, aquacità), but it is about to End. 

She is done with the Pool. Hates it. Can't stand it. Too many laps. Too Boooooring. 

To prove her point, she has spent the entire summer perfecting her cartwheels hundreds of times per day and doing handstands against her bedroom door just like her gymnastics-going friends showed her... and, while you HATE HATE HATE the idea of change when you KNOW all Great Athletes (not that this is important) started Very Young, you have to admit:

There may be some Potential here... 

But. Where? Welcome to the mid-September Triestine parent rat-race! It is the season of the PROVA. Like at the swimming pool, there are two free lessons for your kids to Love before you plunk down the cash and they begin to hate it but you no longer care.

So, you start asking around because Everyone has an opinion about where you should take your kids to gymnastics. Basically you have to ask yourself these questions.

1. Do you want to create a champion?
2. Do you want something close to home?
3. Prefer something in Slovene?
4. Want something that is Not Quite the Best?
5. Is it important for your gym to be financially secure?

For any question that has particular meaning to you, there is a gym that is right for you. If you want to save time, however, just find out where her friends are planning on doing the Prova and piggy-back along with them.

The kids will fall in love with the same place, anyway (so you could skip the prova in theory, but that is pretty courageous), so that's one headache less. Actual lessons will begin in October. It will be a twice-a-week commitment until school gets out. It will be at the worst time ever for your schedule, but at least you can carpool.

It is no longer about your hopes and dreams (which are crushed by now anyway) but rather what her friends are doing and logistics.

And, in the end, that is okay, too.

Put on Your Dancing Shoes

I always wondered where people dance once they have taken all of those lessons. Now I know: the SAGRA. This is the sort of outside party that the villages around Trieste take turns having to raise money for cultural events in their paese. You can go for dinner and have grilled civapcici or chicken or ribs and french fries and there is usually a great quantity of beer and wine to be had.

There is also live music and dancing. The music ranges from folky Triestine to 80s pop. The band will have at least one accordion. The senior population will ROCK OUT in front of you-- slow rocking-- but rocking all the same.

A Triestine favorite is the Line Dance. It is always the same one. It's like the Hustle with less soul. Let's say it's more like country line dancing. If you join the line, great. Try to get in the middle of the crowd so you don't end up in the front line when the group turns. They can do this one for hours and it seems to defy genre.

Watching everyone the other day, and seeing a group of small kids out on the dance floor, it reminded me of an American wedding, maybe the only time where everyone dances and nobody cares (Thank you, Booze!). And then I thought. Dang, if you know how to dance (just having the courage to try will suffice), you can always have a good time.

Where to Go Play

There are  a lot of parks in Trieste. Some, however, are little ghost parks and remain empty most of the time. These do not give much satisfaction to the little ones. For the ultimate play experience, you want a good mix of other kids, but not TOO many other kids. You want to be able to go up the slide once in a while (when your mom isn't looking) and not have to wait too long for a swing.

Here are my top picks for free play this summer.

1. BARCOLA. There is something here for all ages, including big muscle people who go there for a free workout. Who cares if you have kids or not! You can get an eyeful of these folks working their triceps on the monkey bars in the twilight hours. For your little sweeties, they will move out of the way. If you park your towels near the big fountain with the statue of a swimming woman, you will find the first of several playgrounds to your right (if your back is to the water).

2. BORGO SAN SERGIO. Over by the excellent library with a great kids' section there is a wonderful park with extra long slides. Highly recommended. No problem parking. Besides books, the library has movies and music cds. Awesome.

3. GIARDINO PUBBLICO. They say that it is not quite up to its glory days, but it's a classic. The first time I went here I LOVED watching all the kids playing together in all the different languages you hear around this place in the summer.

4. VILLA REVOLTELLA. The only bummer about this place is you can't bring your dog. Come to think of it, dogs are not welcome at most parks in Trieste. Anyway, if your kid doesn't freak out at the statue of Pinocchio becoming a donkey, you will have a lovely time. I like the jungle gym, but it also has a closed-off area where kids can kick a ball around or get used to in-line skates.

There are probably other good ones, too. If you know of any, by all means, share in the comment section below!

Raising Bi-Lingual Kids Is Not Easy

This is a pretty vast subject. Let's start the discussion anyway.

It was my hope and desire that my kid would grow up bilingual. To prepare for this, here is what I did.

1. I spoke to her in English from the womb on.
2. I insisted.
3. I read to her lots of books in English.
4. I went to the States at least once a year.
5. I hung out with English-speaking people.

And, guess what. Italian STILL won. I knew this was normal on some level, but deep down, I felt like this was a sort of early rebellion on her part. Sure, she understood what I was saying, but she answered in Italian. Like a dagger through the heart EVERY time. But I did not let on. No.

Instead, I:

1. Acknowledged her, even if she spoke to me in Italian.
2. Answered in English.
3. Died quietly on the inside and pretended it was no big deal on the outside.
3. Tried not to let her know that it was important to me.
4. Pretended not to hear the snide comments from parents of my English students saying "Well, even the Director's kid doesn't speak English, so ours are ok!!"

I, like lots of people in the same situation, concluded that she was a little, how shall we say, Linguistically Lazy.

So I decided to get tough.

I wanted to change her perspective, get her to think that English was easy, that it was part of her. I had to somehow displace Italian, take it out of the equation without taking it out of the equation.

I had the perfect solution.

Slovene Pre-School. I had other reasons to put her there, too. Like the fact that my mother-in-law is from the Slovene minority. I justified it that way, and that we were STEALING BACK the language that was stolen from my husband because they spoke Italian at home.

It worked for lots of other reasons, even if it didn't make her speak English.

It put her in touch with other bi-lingual kids, for example. It made her feel like English WAS part of her precisely because she didn't feel Slovenian.
But then I realized I was wrong.

She wasn't lazy. She just couldn't form the words in English. I found this out one day when I got frustrated with her for asking me for AQUA instead of water.

I made her repeat the longest sentence in English I could think of that would be asking for water politely.

MOMMY MAY I PLEASE HAVE A GLASS OF WATER PLEASE?!

I think I scared her, because she repeated it. But it came out as a strange garbled thing that did not resemble my sentence at all.

That was when I realized the problem was something else entirely.

From that moment on I changed approach. I listened to her in Italian, answered her in English, and then I said her sentence again in English. After a few times she started to repeat. Then within about two weeks she was speaking. Something about that no-pressure practice time unblocked her. She has been an English chatterbox ever since.

I am happy I put her in Slovene school. She is finishing her third year of pre-school now and getting ready for first grade. She is fluent in three languages. She found a way to belong to all three of them somehow and is really proud of what she can do.

I am, too.

The reason I mention this is that I want you to know that if your kid answers you in her dominant language (and it is not English), she probably isn't lazy. She may just need a little more help forming the words.

I hope this helps.

Don't give up. Remember, it only takes one generation to lose a language forever. In most cases, it is the mother's language.

This is another fun page to read on the subject. The comments are so interesting! 

Knights without Horses: How Italian Men Show Love

I have been thinking about those little things long-term partners do for each other. They may not seem romantic but you miss those little gestures when you break up, that is for sure (No, no. All is okay at home, no worries!). "He never said he loved me, but it sure was nice having my car windows scraped off in the mornings..." That kind of stuff.

Italian men have their own set of rules and rituals that differ from their American counterparts. For example, a Triestino man would not think to brush the snow off your car for you in the morning like a good Wisconsin boy would, but that's because it never snows here. He would, on the other hand, shine your shoes for you without asking, just because he noticed they could use a polish. At least that is what my husband does, and I think that is pretty romantic.

I did an informal poll of what my male Italian friends do for their partners to show they care. Take note, and you, too, can become an Italian gentleman, or what the locals refer to affectionately as a "knight without a horse." Note, I only interviewed GOOD BOYS for this post.

What I learned is that these little actions are important to them and actually make them HAPPY. Nobody is asking them to do these things-- they do them on their own volition.

Italians really appreciate being a part of a couple, and your partner wants to be coupled with YOU. This is how they remind you.

1. Men dress up for their partners.

I found this out when I was still dating my husband. We were getting ready to go out and he was taking FOREVER to get ready. I finally huffed up the stairs and asked him what the problem was. He was all dressed up and was giving himself a squirt of cologne. I told him there was no need to dress up, we weren't going anywhere fancy.

He said, "I am dressing up because I want to look nice for you when we go out."
That changed my perspective...

Now when we go out, we BOTH get dressed up, and I may even throw on a little mascara so that I can look nice for him.

I asked for confirmation on this one. Our friend Paolo said, of course it's true! His wife told me that before they go out, he says, "Come mi vuoi?" (How do you want me to look?)

Love that.

2. Men make breakfast.

I found this one is almost universal. The men like to make the coffee in the morning and have it ready for you. One of my Italian friends living in New York boasted to me that: "In 50 years of marriage, my wife has never peeled her own orange." I have another friend who does the same for his wife and kids even if they are perfectly capable. Others LOVE to make fresh-squeezed orange juice for their families (when oranges are in season). What is it about Italian men and oranges? (Answer: I do not know).

The boys told me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. They want to start you off right. That, and "breakfast is easier than dinner."

3. You should never have to carry your skis to the ski lift.

Ski season is over, but this came up several times, especially with the younger respondents (who can still afford to ski because they don't have to pay a mortgage??).

The boys want to carry your skis to the lift. One said that his girlfriend is just learning to ski and this is a way for her to remember skiing as a pleasant experience so she will want to go again.
Alrighty!

4. His favorite meal to make is fish.

I don't get this one either. It must be like men and grills. Here, fish is the high prestige meat, and he will do it just right.

I am veggie so this one is lost on me, but my daughter will probably appreciate this one day.

And, my favorite:

5. He will pick you up after work.

This came up again and again. In the morning we all go our separate ways, but in the afternoon, HE wants to pick you up.

"There is something nice about coming home together after being apart the entire day."

It doesn't matter where you are or what time, if he can pick you up and take you home, he will.