I do not speak G.O.T.

My family was here visiting; hence my absence. It was an interesting cultural excercise in how illiterate I have become about American culture. I am not keeping up. Even the late arrival of Netflix to my house was not enough to bridge the gap. See, I hate to admit this, but, I do not watch Game of Thrones. This meant that I missed a lot of jokes and references and generally spoke English about halfway and felt like unfrozen cavegirl trying to make it through a day. It wasn't pretty. It was kind of like showing up to a party and seeing how drunk your friends are. You are kind of envious of them, kind of embarassed for them, you realize that under normal circumstances you would be one of them.

But this time you are not. And so instead of having a BLAST, you are bored.

That is what NOT watching Game of Thrones was like for me. There were some who were caught up for the finale, which I guess is today (from the text messages I have been witnessing), others who couldn't wait to get home from Italy to have their G.O.T.-watching marathon.

So I have two questions:

1. Where do they find the time to watch so much t.v.??

I can't be certain, but from my experience over the last couple of weeks, I am guessing that having a car gives you more time to watch t.v.

2. But then how do they get their 10,000 steps in?

Because everyone had some kind of wrist accessory that told them how many steps they were doing and if they did less than 10,000 that meant they were losers. Yet, no one wanted to walk anywhere because it was hot and everything was ten minutes away.

June was a GREAT month for Triestine taxi drivers, I think.

Other than that, there are lots of other things I am behind on, too, and now I have to decide if it is worth trying to get fluent in them.

I will update you on that one.

Rainbow Flags in Trieste

My brother, who is visiting, commented on the support the Italians have been showing for the victims of Orlando. He was particularly surprised by the fact that in Florence there was a rainbow flag flying on a government building to show support. He said "That would never happen in the States."

Last night in Piazza Antonio they held what they call here a "Manifestazione" to mourn the victims of the Orlando shooting. They laid a giant rainbow flag on the ground just in front of the Church of Sant'Antonio and they surrounded it by candles.

It created an interesting effect. It was nighttime, and the feeling was quiet and respectful, but people were meeting together who were happy to see each other, others maybe hadn't seen each other for a while. Once in a while you would see people just staring at the flag and thinking.

The Arcigay group of Trieste put together the event in just a couple of days. It was impressive how they were able to come up with this thoughtful way of showing solidarity. I was proud to be there and to have my American family there with me to see it.

Plugs in Trieste

Can we talk about electricity for a minute here? It is important, yes, I understand that. You need to plug in your phone, your computer, etc. No big deal. Adapter on the end will do fine. Easy peasy.

But what is it about Americans and their HAIR DRYERS? People still use those things? Even when it's thousands of degrees outside?? The idea makes my pits sweat.

If you need a hair dryer, please do not bring your own from home. As far as I know, it is the ONE way you can truly blow out the fuses of the entire block of  where you are staying. Don't do it.

By the way, if you need a hair dryer, you probably just have the wrong haircut. I feel the same about ironing. If you need to iron clothes, then you are buying the wrong clothes!!

Here is what the plugs look like here, so you can plan, however.

Gearing up for the Family Reunion

I am so happy that My Family is coming to visit me this week in Trieste. It is the best kind of Birthday Gift a girl could ask for.

By the way, my Birthday is Friday. Don't forget to wish me happy birthday. Don't worry, I will remind you again Thursday.

They are not coming for my birthday, actually. We decided on this weekend because in America it is Father's Day on Sunday, and that is an easy day to remember, and agree on, especially when you decide two years ahead of time.

I will keep you updated on this great event. Especially on our dramatically radical idea NOT to wear the same thing for our family portrait. (Will they take away our American Passports for this transgression? Will the Khaki pants and white button-down shirt Gods strike us down? We will find out on Sunday).

I am off to the Station to Pick up the FIRST ROUND of guests.

Yippee!

Creepy Dude of the Day Says

Let me just get up all in your face for a minute.

Who are YOU calling Creepy?!

I Miss Bare Feet

When school gets out in the States, there is a collective sigh, and then everyone takes their shoes off until September.

Everything feels better with bare feet: grass, sand, even hot pavement is no big deal once your feet are bare for about a week.

Flip flops should be handy just in case, but no shoes is the way to go.

Italians always have something on their feet. Shoes, slippers, sandals. They have good reason. The only country with more dogs per capita is probably France, and I wouldn't go barefoot there either.

Even in places where you would absolutely WANT to go barefoot here, like the Carso, most people will not, because of TICKS. They are gross little guys to be avoided, so even I wear shoes in the Carso.

There is one place with untainted grass. This means there are no dogs and no wild boars or deers or other animals who attract ticks.

The Soccer stadium. We were there yesterday to cheer on the runners of the 66th Annual Giro di San Giacomo. After it was over we played on the grass. We took off our shoes, and we took a selfie.

Welcome, Summer.

Another Foreign Concept: "CHIARIRE"

Can we get something straight here?

Americans do not CLARIFY situations.

We IGNORE them until they go away. And if they do not go away, then at least until they no longer make us angry. Part of the process of IGNORING the situation is actually ignoring YOU, if you happen to be the CAUSE of the SITUATION.

Yes, people. We give you the cold shoulder not because we want to be mean, but because we ASSUME that the problem is NOT REALLY YOU, but rather OUR REACTION to something you did.

If we are angry about something you DID or DID NOT DO, it is OUR problem that we need to work out in our quiet little way until we feel better.

YOU have nothing to do with this transition. Please, leave us alone to brood. We are the sole invitees to our lonesome pity party.

THIS IS NOT HOW THINGS ARE DONE IN ITALY. BE WARNED.

The Italian tendency is to want to identify how YOU made a mistake and CLEAR THE AIR by yelling at you until you see where you messed up.

If you know how to play the game, though, you will respond with how the OTHER PERSON is REALLY the person who was WRONG.

At this point, it becomes a BARUFFA, which, for us ANGLO SAXONS, means a FIGHT:

So, CLARIFY in Italian can be translated roughly to FIGHT in English.

And we are LOVERS (even if we don't feel comfortable talking about it), NOT FIGHTERS.

Here is where cultures collide.

We ANGLOS ignore YOU ITALIANS but you keep following us, chiding us, bugging us, until we

A. GIVE UP AND BLOW UP AT YOU and spend months regretting this loss of self-control and worrying about how badly we must have hurt your feelings

B. SAY, YES YES, YOU ARE RIGHT. Now will you stop yelling at me so I can go in my room and close the door?!

Then you Italians say YES, OF COURSE I AM RIGHT. I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU THIS FOR THE LAST THIRTY MINUTES!! THANK YOU FOR FINALLY LISTENING.

Then things have been CLARIFIED.

The Italians go off feeling very happy and satisfied the relationship has reached a new level of understanding.

The Anglo Saxons then go into their room, close the door and read a book until we finally get over it.

Mind the GROUP!

Incidentally, notice how ingrained in the Italian culture it is to compare yourself to the group and try to conform.

EXHIBIT A. We see it at home with our Italian partners' parenting style

"Do you see anyone else in the restaurant flinging food across the table? Exactly. And neither should you!"

EXHIBIT B. We see it when kids don't do well on tests at school.

Here is the process, it may come in handy if you are rearing Italian children.

1. Kid brings home lousy grade on math test.
2. You blow up at kid.
3. Kid assures you that EVERYONE in the class got a bad grade, except that kid that NEVER gets bad grades because she has no friends and the teacher feels sorry for her, so it's not so bad.
4.You check in to the WHAT'S APP PARENT GROUP (which includes ALL of the parents of the children in your kid's class) and VERIFY that everyone else's child did as bad as yours so that you can collectively blame the teacher.

EXHIBIT C. In the classroom.

Any kind of test you give your students will end up a GROUP PROJECT unless you are especially vigilant. Be careful of serial copiers, small group discussions, and cell phone photographers.

Better yet, just assign GROUP PROJECTS and be done with it.

EXHBIT D. We see it in the tax system with the Studi di Settore, which identify tax evaders by comparing your tax declaration to others in your sector.

It's all about the group! Remember that, people.

Putting off the STUDI DI SETTORE

Anyone who knows something about having a VAT number in Italy may be familiar with this little inconvenience, the STUDI DI SETTORE! Before you can officially compile your taxes you have to answer a set of questions related to your line of work. On the surface they look like they are supposed to be FOR INFORMATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. But that is not the case here. No, siree! Based on your answers, the Italian government will decide if you are paying enough taxes or not based on how much money you claimed and how much work you say you did COMPARED TO OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR SECTOR. Shit.

They are looking for the tax evaders. The problem is that tax evaders are good at answering these questions. I am not. If you get them wrong, you may have to pay extra taxes.

Here is how I understand the STUDI DI SETTORE.

The Tax Authorities want to make sure you are paying a comparable amount of taxes to other people who are doing the same type of work as you. If you are not, they will slap you with a penalty.

For example, if you are a dentist (I use dentists as an example because they are infamous for claiming less than what they take in. Since there is a perception that they ask for and make too much money anyway, I am confident I won't offend too many people if I use them as an example. There are also less Dentists to get angry with me than, say, English teachers, or Restaurant Owners. See, I actually think about these things.) and you are making, say, 500 euros per year, and working 80 hours per week and 90% of the other dentists in Italy are making 100.000 euros per year and working 40 hours per week, that may be a red flag that a. You are a lousy dentist and should think about a career change, b. You need to raise your fees or c. You are getting paid but "forgetting" to issue receipts. At any rate, the Tax Folks don't really care which category you fall into, as long as you pay what the others are paying, and the STUDI DI SETTORE ensures that.

I am American and so I have a deep fear of Tax Authorities (and Police, but that is a different matter). To complete this document I have to answer questions like: "How many lines of text did you translate in 2015?" and "How many hours did you ACTUALLY work per week in 2015?" (Smells like a trick question to me! Am I supposed to count the hours I spend blogging INSTEAD of working while TELLING MYSELF I am working? Does class preparation count? Is farting around on the internet considered Class Prep? Should I look MORE efficient or LESS efficient?)

Wait a minute, was I supposed to KEEP TRACK of how many hours I actually work, even if they are not billable?!

Well, surprise surprise, I didn't. And now I have to go back and solve the mystery of what the hell I actually did with my time in 2015.

Did I do anything?
Who am I?
What is the meaning of life?

Is that my SOCK DRAWER calling me?? I think it needs to be organized... ASAP!!

Your Shoes Can Talk

...But only the Triestini can hear them. Here is what the conversation sounds like to the rest of us.

BIRKENSTOCK CLOGS: (What sounds like silence to you and me).
TRIESTINO: You work at the Hospital?! Since when? Cattinara or Maggiore?

CROCS: (What sounds like one hand clapping in a lonely forest).
TRIESTINO: I know. I totally need to get out into my garden too!!

WELLINGTON BOOTS: (What sounds like an ant sleeping)
TRIESTINO: Caspita!!! The Pescaria is already closed and I was JUST on my way to the Fish Monger's to get a nice BRANZIN for supper!

SANDALS WITH SOCKS: (What sounds like time standing still)
TRIESTINO: I had NO idea you were German. You totally don't have an accent! Complimenti!!

10cm JAUNTY HEELS: (What sounds to us like the shadow of a tap on the pavement)
TRIESTINO: I go to Lidl usually or Despar. Where are you off to? I'll walk with you. I could use a snack!'m out of caffè and creamer.

FLIP-FLOPS: (What sounds to us like eery quiet)
TRIESTINO: Me too, DEI, see you at Barcola!! Quanti gradi xe l'aqua?

FLIP-FLOPS, NO BEACH BAG: (What sounds to us like cherries growing)
TRIESTINO: Dry your hair. Te ciapi freddo going out in the cold after a shower!!

TWO BARE FEET STANDING IN THE GRASS: (What sounds like world peace).
TRIESTINO: ARDA! Don't step in the dog poop!!

Raising Bi-Lingual Kids Is Not Easy

This is a pretty vast subject. Let's start the discussion anyway.

It was my hope and desire that my kid would grow up bilingual. To prepare for this, here is what I did.

1. I spoke to her in English from the womb on.
2. I insisted.
3. I read to her lots of books in English.
4. I went to the States at least once a year.
5. I hung out with English-speaking people.

And, guess what. Italian STILL won. I knew this was normal on some level, but deep down, I felt like this was a sort of early rebellion on her part. Sure, she understood what I was saying, but she answered in Italian. Like a dagger through the heart EVERY time. But I did not let on. No.

Instead, I:

1. Acknowledged her, even if she spoke to me in Italian.
2. Answered in English.
3. Died quietly on the inside and pretended it was no big deal on the outside.
3. Tried not to let her know that it was important to me.
4. Pretended not to hear the snide comments from parents of my English students saying "Well, even the Director's kid doesn't speak English, so ours are ok!!"

I, like lots of people in the same situation, concluded that she was a little, how shall we say, Linguistically Lazy.

So I decided to get tough.

I wanted to change her perspective, get her to think that English was easy, that it was part of her. I had to somehow displace Italian, take it out of the equation without taking it out of the equation.

I had the perfect solution.

Slovene Pre-School. I had other reasons to put her there, too. Like the fact that my mother-in-law is from the Slovene minority. I justified it that way, and that we were STEALING BACK the language that was stolen from my husband because they spoke Italian at home.

It worked for lots of other reasons, even if it didn't make her speak English.

It put her in touch with other bi-lingual kids, for example. It made her feel like English WAS part of her precisely because she didn't feel Slovenian.
But then I realized I was wrong.

She wasn't lazy. She just couldn't form the words in English. I found this out one day when I got frustrated with her for asking me for AQUA instead of water.

I made her repeat the longest sentence in English I could think of that would be asking for water politely.

MOMMY MAY I PLEASE HAVE A GLASS OF WATER PLEASE?!

I think I scared her, because she repeated it. But it came out as a strange garbled thing that did not resemble my sentence at all.

That was when I realized the problem was something else entirely.

From that moment on I changed approach. I listened to her in Italian, answered her in English, and then I said her sentence again in English. After a few times she started to repeat. Then within about two weeks she was speaking. Something about that no-pressure practice time unblocked her. She has been an English chatterbox ever since.

I am happy I put her in Slovene school. She is finishing her third year of pre-school now and getting ready for first grade. She is fluent in three languages. She found a way to belong to all three of them somehow and is really proud of what she can do.

I am, too.

The reason I mention this is that I want you to know that if your kid answers you in her dominant language (and it is not English), she probably isn't lazy. She may just need a little more help forming the words.

I hope this helps.

Don't give up. Remember, it only takes one generation to lose a language forever. In most cases, it is the mother's language.

This is another fun page to read on the subject. The comments are so interesting! 

Creepy Girl Says Good Morning!

Any resemblance of this view to this morning is highly fictitious.
This was from Saturday afternoon after lunch at
Creepy Girl's House.
Grigliata. 

Cryptic Graffiti Around Trieste

What could it mean?
 I think we have the makings of a real Thriller here!
Let's call Dan Brown.

American Politics for Barcola Beach Goers

Maybe you've noticed, Italians. The Americans have their undies in a bunch over the upcoming Presidential Elections when they SHOULD be thinking about how and where they are going to spend the entire month of August.

But, let's face it.

You and I know that:

1. No one gets the entire month of August off anymore, and
2. Politics are SUPER ULTRA MEGA boring.

So I thought I would give you a few tips so that you can handle the politics conversation long enough to be able to eventually CHANGE THE SUBJECT to something more interesting, like food. Or wine. Or Grappa.

 Lesson 1.

A "Tea Party" candidate is an ultra rightwing conservative Republican. Just think Triestine Ultras but instead of going to soccer games they go to church. I don't think they actually drink tea. They probably drink milk straight from the cow in the back yard, or maybe a Schlitz beer on special occasions.

But don't trust my definition. Here is what Google says.

tea par·ty

noun

1. 1.

   a social gathering in the afternoon at which tea, cakes, and other light refreshments are served.
2. 2.

   a US political party that emerged from a movement of conservatives protesting the federal government in 2009.

I am talking about definition 2. 

Lesson 2.

What we call the Democratic party has two candidates who are fighting to become the official Democratic candidate in Novembre. They veer left. There's Hilary (Clinton's wife, she did some other things, too) and Bernie (White guy with white hair. Says he is a Socialist, which to most Americans means Communist and in America Communists are still scarey).

Lesson 3

Donald Trump. The American Berlusconi (with hair). He is the Republicans' choice to be the Republican Candidate but the Republicans hated him but now they like him and the important thing in the end for the people who like him is 1. He is not Hilary and 2. He is not Obama and 3. He is a rich man who has created successful Reality Show Franchises. His wife is Slovene.

Lesson 4.

Elections take place in November.
Yes, Americans living outside of America can vote. They give us a choice if we want to vote by pencil, or internet. I chose internet. We vote before the elections when the American soldiers do.

HERE ENDS OUR SERIES.

 As you can see I am an AUTHORITY on these things, so feel free to ask for my absolutely FREE and UNBIASED OPINION!!

Now let's go to the beach!!!

Please do the Cambio Stagione!

It's that time of year again!!

It's getting hot out, Triestini, and you KNOW what that means!! Cambio Stagione! Time to take those winter clothes, pack them into their summer hiding places and get out YOUR SUMMER CLOTHES!

The reason I say this is... um.

The city is getting a little smelly.

I am getting a little smelly.

I had to run to CAD to get a brand spanking new invisible roll-on liquid deodorant that I CAN KEEP IN MY PURSE because this humidity is making me stinky sooner than normal. This is a disaster.

The other problem is that I did the Cambio Stagione, but I did not like what I saw. I put all of my clothes away in a hurry when it got cold last September, so things are all wrinkly and ugly and I do not want to wear them.

So I went shopping today for new clothes.
But I didn't see anything I liked.
I also don't like to iron.

What is a girl to do?

Of course! It is so simple! Go to CAD, get new Deodorant, and apply as needed. I will wear my winter clothes into July before it runs out.

Problem solved!

Creepy Dude of the Day Says

EAT YOUR VEGETABLES!!

Ask Aunt Karoline

Dear Aunt Kari,

        

        I have been assigned a food project in Social Studies class. I chose to do my food project on Italy since we are going there. I have to make a menu for a typical Italian meal with breakfast, lunch, dinner. Can you please give me some suggestions for each meal on a typical day. For extra credit we can make a small item to bring in and share with the class. Do you have any easy recipes for something I could make at home and bring to school? Thanks for your help and can't wait to see you soon. 

Nathan

Dear Nathan,

We asked 3 people other than ourselves to tell us what they eat on a typical day. Here is what they told us.
Italians eat what is called a Mediterranean diet. 

Breakfast: On the sweet side  Cookies (Store bought, Eva likes chocolate chip) or bread/toast and jelly (usually apricot) or bread and Nutella.  Coffee (cocoa) + warm milk (Eva likes cold better because she thinks skin is gross) 

Lunch: (Kids go home for lunch or have hot lunch at school. Adults eat at home or at the cafeteria or at a restaurant. No bag lunches). Veggie soup or broth or Pasta (or potato gnocchi) with any of the following: meat sauce, pesto, olive oil and grated Parmesan cheese (not that powder stuff but real cheese), tomato sauce,  4 cheeses (Gorgonzola, Asiago, etc).  Bread. Salad (salt, olive oil, vinegar in that order) or cooked vegetables like spinach (with butter and Parmesan cheese) or bell peppers or peas, etc. Fruit (What is in season. Right now there are cherries! Yum! Right off the tree!) 

Dinner: Usually meat (chicken, pork, beef, veal, fried or roasted, etc) and veggies or meat and polenta or a nice risotto. Salad. Fruit. Maybe dessert (gelato!).  We have Pizza about once a week (homemade or out during the weekend). 

For a snack: nuts, cookies, bread, crackers, Ice cream, focaccia bread, etc.  

If you are looking for an Easy recipe:  Google a recipe for Pesto or try this one  (The purists will tell you to use a mortar and pestle instead of a food processor. You do what works for you). It is a crowd pleaser! Tastes great cold too. You could serve your class a little taste in a Dixie cup or something similar.  

Potato gnocchi are also impressive and kind of fun but a little more work. Beware of recipes that tell you to "shower" your gnocchi with anything, especially Truffles. You can serve them with just butter and parmesan cheese or tomato sauce, etc.  

An interesting tidbit. The fanciest food here is seafood or fish. They serve them with the head and the tail (unless it's a big fish like salmon or tuna) so you can see how fresh it is.  Another thing: milk is for coffee here. Adults do not drink it at all and kids drink very little of it after age 3 or so (unless they like it).  

Hope this helps! Can’t wait to see you!!

Love,Auntie K 

Want to Feel Rich? Come to my place!!

My most popular blog posts are about living frugally and saving money the Triestino way. This time I want to turn things around to talk about the things that drain our bank accounts in America. They came to mind as I read the article in the Atlantic this month called the Secret Shame of the Middle Class.

Note that it refers to the MIDDLE CLASS, not the poor. And that is what I find so interesting-- how far the Middle Class will go to appear wealthy.

Among the bombshells of the article was the revelation that 47% of Americans would not have $400 cash in the event of an emergency. Second revelation: 67% of Americans would not be able to come up with $2,000 even if they had a month to do it. Well, they could, but they would probably have to sell some combination of internal organs to do it. So even with the popularity of Financial gurus like Suze Orman, we Americans just can't seem to up our financial literacy game.  

The writer  counts himself as the typical financially illiterate American who is in lousy financial shape and constantly trying to hide it from his acquaintances and even his own family (until now). He explains how it happened that a smart, educated, reasonable guy got himself so overrun with debt that he and his wife had to ask their grown children on occasion to help them pay for heating when the oil ran out.

I kept thinking... Can he hear himself? The justifications for his financial disaster came in this self-righteous tone: "Well, maybe I could have done things differently, but excuuuuuse me for choosing a career I love that pays eratically AND wanting my kids to have a good education AND wanting to pay for my kids' wedding AND wanting to live in the Hamptons!"  

Basically, here is what it comes down to. The game is to appear wealthy. Here is how!

1. Pay for your Childrens' education. School must be expensive and elite to give them the networking possibilities required to jump into a higher social class (inshalla). It starts with private elementary schools and takes them all the way up to ivy league colleges and universities.

2. Live in the most expensive neighbourhood you can afford in the biggest house you can possibly afford (while times are good). If you are not putting your kids in private schools, then public schools are funded by property taxes. The higher the property value, the higher the taxes, and the better the school. Also, you want your kids in contact with the "right" kids.

3. Pay for your kids' enormous weddings, after all, it's your little Princess's Special Day! Put it all on your credit card.

And remember this very important Underlying Assumption which will help you justify spending more than you make. Say it with me:

"I will make more money next year than this year, so I will pay off the debt fast."


Another way you can appear and feel rich is to come and visit ME in ITALY. Here are the comments I regularly get from my American visitors which make them feel GREAT (and make me feel like a total loser)!

1. You live in an APARTMENT????!!!
2. Everything here is so LITTLE and CUTE!
3. Now would you call this a CONDO or an Apartment? Did you actually take a LOAN out to buy THIS PLACE?
4. OMG! You only have ONE car?? How can you LIVE?! It's a STATION WAGON? I can't believe they still make those!! Gosh, reminds me of the 70s!!
5. Your Fridge is so TINY!! It's like Gulliver lives here!
6. Wow! Is that an iPhone 4? Haven't seen one of those since about 2014! My iphone 6  comes free with my $150/month plan and it takes SUCH GOOD pictures. I read books on it, too.
7. What?? They don't have free wifi here, like EVERYWHERE??

There you have it.
I wish I had a new phone.

Creepy Dude Wisdom

Don't forget to look UP! Have a nice weekend! 

There is Space for Pinzas, Too!

I found out yesterday that at least one person in Trieste does not like Chocolate Chip Cookies. I am sorry for this person. I will say it for the record, just in case anyone else is having similar doubts: there is space for Chocolate Chip Cookies AND the Pinza. Both are fine, both are good. There is no need to worry about Chocolate Chip Pinzas coming out of our kitchen (although it sounds kind of good, so I will not rule it out). We just think our world gets sweeter the more desserts you introduce into it.

Rest assured: The Pinzas will not lose their jobs because of our Cookies. The Presnitz is safe, too.