Mine was fine. I did the half marathon.
Can I just say something?
Is it me or is this the LONELIEST half marathon in Europe (I was going to say in the World). I mean there are a lot of people and all. The Family Run is well attended, and there are a fair amount of runners doing the half, but, yeesh!
The Triestini on the sidelines (both of them) need a lesson in how to cheer people on, or at least look cheerful.
I don't mean to say they have to be as good as in Venice (although I must plug the Venice marathon for the enthusiasm of the fans at all points of the route. Even the trains on the bridge into Venice honk at you!!)
One of the guys from the Protezione Civile tried to help break up the silence, though. He had his car parked on the side of the road with his radio on full blast (Welcome to the Jungle, Baby, You're gonna DIE!!!)
There were two (2) people making noise on the route. One with a cow bell, one with a noise maker.
So, after we left the starting line (Berimbau, thank you for the drumming send-off) it was a loooooong and silent run.
Maybe I was extra sensitive to the longness and the boringness because I was out of shape and it took me 40 minutes longer than usual,
I mean that could be. But overall, sigh, it just felt lonely.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Monday, May 9, 2016
Knights without Horses: How Italian Men Show Love
I have been thinking about those little things long-term partners do for each other. They may not seem romantic but you miss those little gestures when you break up, that is for sure (No, no. All is okay at home, no worries!). "He never said he loved me, but it sure was nice having my car windows scraped off in the mornings..." That kind of stuff.
Italian men have their own set of rules and rituals that differ from their American counterparts. For example, a Triestino man would not think to brush the snow off your car for you in the morning like a good Wisconsin boy would, but that's because it never snows here. He would, on the other hand, shine your shoes for you without asking, just because he noticed they could use a polish. At least that is what my husband does, and I think that is pretty romantic.
I did an informal poll of what my male Italian friends do for their partners to show they care. Take note, and you, too, can become an Italian gentleman, or what the locals refer to affectionately as a "knight without a horse." Note, I only interviewed GOOD BOYS for this post.
What I learned is that these little actions are important to them and actually make them HAPPY. Nobody is asking them to do these things-- they do them on their own volition.
Italians really appreciate being a part of a couple, and your partner wants to be coupled with YOU. This is how they remind you.
1. Men dress up for their partners.
I found this out when I was still dating my husband. We were getting ready to go out and he was taking FOREVER to get ready. I finally huffed up the stairs and asked him what the problem was. He was all dressed up and was giving himself a squirt of cologne. I told him there was no need to dress up, we weren't going anywhere fancy.
He said, "I am dressing up because I want to look nice for you when we go out."
That changed my perspective...
Now when we go out, we BOTH get dressed up, and I may even throw on a little mascara so that I can look nice for him.
I asked for confirmation on this one. Our friend Paolo said, of course it's true! His wife told me that before they go out, he says, "Come mi vuoi?" (How do you want me to look?)
Love that.
2. Men make breakfast.
I found this one is almost universal. The men like to make the coffee in the morning and have it ready for you. One of my Italian friends living in New York boasted to me that: "In 50 years of marriage, my wife has never peeled her own orange." I have another friend who does the same for his wife and kids even if they are perfectly capable. Others LOVE to make fresh-squeezed orange juice for their families (when oranges are in season). What is it about Italian men and oranges? (Answer: I do not know).
The boys told me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. They want to start you off right. That, and "breakfast is easier than dinner."
3. You should never have to carry your skis to the ski lift.
Ski season is over, but this came up several times, especially with the younger respondents (who can still afford to ski because they don't have to pay a mortgage??).
The boys want to carry your skis to the lift. One said that his girlfriend is just learning to ski and this is a way for her to remember skiing as a pleasant experience so she will want to go again.
Alrighty!
4. His favorite meal to make is fish.
I don't get this one either. It must be like men and grills. Here, fish is the high prestige meat, and he will do it just right.
I am veggie so this one is lost on me, but my daughter will probably appreciate this one day.
And, my favorite:
5. He will pick you up after work.
This came up again and again. In the morning we all go our separate ways, but in the afternoon, HE wants to pick you up.
"There is something nice about coming home together after being apart the entire day."
It doesn't matter where you are or what time, if he can pick you up and take you home, he will.
Italian men have their own set of rules and rituals that differ from their American counterparts. For example, a Triestino man would not think to brush the snow off your car for you in the morning like a good Wisconsin boy would, but that's because it never snows here. He would, on the other hand, shine your shoes for you without asking, just because he noticed they could use a polish. At least that is what my husband does, and I think that is pretty romantic.
I did an informal poll of what my male Italian friends do for their partners to show they care. Take note, and you, too, can become an Italian gentleman, or what the locals refer to affectionately as a "knight without a horse." Note, I only interviewed GOOD BOYS for this post.
What I learned is that these little actions are important to them and actually make them HAPPY. Nobody is asking them to do these things-- they do them on their own volition.
Italians really appreciate being a part of a couple, and your partner wants to be coupled with YOU. This is how they remind you.
1. Men dress up for their partners.
I found this out when I was still dating my husband. We were getting ready to go out and he was taking FOREVER to get ready. I finally huffed up the stairs and asked him what the problem was. He was all dressed up and was giving himself a squirt of cologne. I told him there was no need to dress up, we weren't going anywhere fancy.
He said, "I am dressing up because I want to look nice for you when we go out."
That changed my perspective...
Now when we go out, we BOTH get dressed up, and I may even throw on a little mascara so that I can look nice for him.
I asked for confirmation on this one. Our friend Paolo said, of course it's true! His wife told me that before they go out, he says, "Come mi vuoi?" (How do you want me to look?)
Love that.
2. Men make breakfast.
I found this one is almost universal. The men like to make the coffee in the morning and have it ready for you. One of my Italian friends living in New York boasted to me that: "In 50 years of marriage, my wife has never peeled her own orange." I have another friend who does the same for his wife and kids even if they are perfectly capable. Others LOVE to make fresh-squeezed orange juice for their families (when oranges are in season). What is it about Italian men and oranges? (Answer: I do not know).
The boys told me that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. They want to start you off right. That, and "breakfast is easier than dinner."
3. You should never have to carry your skis to the ski lift.
Ski season is over, but this came up several times, especially with the younger respondents (who can still afford to ski because they don't have to pay a mortgage??).
The boys want to carry your skis to the lift. One said that his girlfriend is just learning to ski and this is a way for her to remember skiing as a pleasant experience so she will want to go again.
Alrighty!
4. His favorite meal to make is fish.
I don't get this one either. It must be like men and grills. Here, fish is the high prestige meat, and he will do it just right.
I am veggie so this one is lost on me, but my daughter will probably appreciate this one day.
And, my favorite:
5. He will pick you up after work.
This came up again and again. In the morning we all go our separate ways, but in the afternoon, HE wants to pick you up.
"There is something nice about coming home together after being apart the entire day."
It doesn't matter where you are or what time, if he can pick you up and take you home, he will.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Junk Food Not So Popular Here
I like to play a game with the Triestini. It's called "Truth or Stereotype." I fill it up with all kinds of doozies, mostly stereotypes about Italians that we see in the movies. They like refuting the mythical idea that most of the world has about them.
Then I throw in a trick question.
Me: Food is the closest thing to an Italian's heart. Truth or stereotype?
The other person: squirms a second in their chair, physical discomfort comes over them.
No one wants to be predictable but this one is just just too hard to deny. They look down at the floor, then squint up at me like I am the sun.
"Yes. It's true."
Ask any Italian and they will tell you this is the case. Well, one guy I asked said he didn't care about food much but I consider him the exception that proves the rule.
This explains:
Why the major topic of conversation over meals is often, well, the meal...
Why family time on Sunday can mean up to four hours in the dining room...
Why the grocery stores stock mainly fruits and vegetables that are in season...
And
Why any kind of processed food and what we call "junk food" is referred to as "schifezze" which is related to the idiomatic expression
FA SCHIFO!!!
English translation: IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE!
Junk food puke makers. Chips anyone?
Then I throw in a trick question.
Me: Food is the closest thing to an Italian's heart. Truth or stereotype?
The other person: squirms a second in their chair, physical discomfort comes over them.
No one wants to be predictable but this one is just just too hard to deny. They look down at the floor, then squint up at me like I am the sun.
"Yes. It's true."
Ask any Italian and they will tell you this is the case. Well, one guy I asked said he didn't care about food much but I consider him the exception that proves the rule.
This explains:
Why the major topic of conversation over meals is often, well, the meal...
Why family time on Sunday can mean up to four hours in the dining room...
Why the grocery stores stock mainly fruits and vegetables that are in season...
And
Why any kind of processed food and what we call "junk food" is referred to as "schifezze" which is related to the idiomatic expression
FA SCHIFO!!!
English translation: IT MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE!
Junk food puke makers. Chips anyone?
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Coffee Date? The Italian way of saying "We're Cool, Right?"
When I first moved to Trieste I thought that having coffee was an excuse for not working. You can hardly blame me. Be a fly on the wall of any office in Trieste, and here is what it looks like.
8:30 Empty.
8:45 Empty.
8:58 Empty.
8:59 First employees trickle in.
9:05 The rest of the team arrives. Coats stay on.
9:06 Turn on computer. Wait for the straggler to arrive.
9:07 Entire office leaves and walks to the nearest coffee outlet (machine, or, if lucky, a bar)
9:08-9:30 Empty.
9:31 The actual workday begins.
For an American, this seems strange. After all, we have our coffee at home. It is cheaper, and we can have more of it. That, and, We Know that you are supposed to WORK AT LEAST TWO HOURS to EARN another cup of coffee.
In Trieste, however, that is not how things roll.
You want to try something crazy and see two cultures collide?
I have a fun experiment for you then. Here is what you do:
Tell your Italian colleagues that you already had your coffee and that you will be skipping the morning trip to the coffee machine and see what happens.
Don't have the courage? No problem, because here is what will go down:
Someone will ask you if everything is OK and look at you with concern.
Another person will actually COME BACK and see if you have changed your mind.
Yet another will wonder what he or she did to deserve this snub.
Your office detractor will do a self-confirmation that you think you are better than everyone else.
If you wait a few minutes more, then, like clockwork, YOUR BOSS will stomp into your office and say:
WE ARE WAITING ON YOU! LET'S GO, STECKLEY!
And you will reluctantly get up and follow the other ducks. But, you will summon up your internal rebel to SHOW THEM and NOT ORDER COFFEE! Hmmph! So THAT is what you do.
And guess what. NO ONE EVEN NOTICES. Because your Italian colleagues do not really care about what you drink at the coffee break. They just want you to be there.
Culture lesson!
You see, for Italians, this is a very important time where colleagues make sure that everyone is OKAY. It is the moment we find out who slept last night, who has a kid with a fever, who is not feeling well, who won the lottery. All of this information will help us understand how the workday will proceed.
To be sure, when we talk about the importance of coffee in Italy, we are really talking about the importance of RELATIONSHIP MAINTENANCE.
Less of a commitment than, say, Lunch, coffee is a cheap and quick way (always on your feet, by the way, only sit down for a coffee if you are contemplating marriage or reuniting with an old friend after a twenty-year absence) to reconnect and let the other person know that you are STILL COOL.
You can also use that 5-minute coffee time together to: strategize, thank, get to know, welcome, say goodbye, seal an important deal, or plan a boardroom coup.
The sky is the limit.
Never underestimate the power of coffee in Trieste.
8:30 Empty.
8:45 Empty.
8:58 Empty.
8:59 First employees trickle in.
9:05 The rest of the team arrives. Coats stay on.
9:06 Turn on computer. Wait for the straggler to arrive.
9:07 Entire office leaves and walks to the nearest coffee outlet (machine, or, if lucky, a bar)
9:08-9:30 Empty.
9:31 The actual workday begins.
For an American, this seems strange. After all, we have our coffee at home. It is cheaper, and we can have more of it. That, and, We Know that you are supposed to WORK AT LEAST TWO HOURS to EARN another cup of coffee.
In Trieste, however, that is not how things roll.
You want to try something crazy and see two cultures collide?
I have a fun experiment for you then. Here is what you do:
Tell your Italian colleagues that you already had your coffee and that you will be skipping the morning trip to the coffee machine and see what happens.
Don't have the courage? No problem, because here is what will go down:
Someone will ask you if everything is OK and look at you with concern.
Another person will actually COME BACK and see if you have changed your mind.
Yet another will wonder what he or she did to deserve this snub.
Your office detractor will do a self-confirmation that you think you are better than everyone else.
If you wait a few minutes more, then, like clockwork, YOUR BOSS will stomp into your office and say:
WE ARE WAITING ON YOU! LET'S GO, STECKLEY!
And you will reluctantly get up and follow the other ducks. But, you will summon up your internal rebel to SHOW THEM and NOT ORDER COFFEE! Hmmph! So THAT is what you do.
And guess what. NO ONE EVEN NOTICES. Because your Italian colleagues do not really care about what you drink at the coffee break. They just want you to be there.
Culture lesson!
You see, for Italians, this is a very important time where colleagues make sure that everyone is OKAY. It is the moment we find out who slept last night, who has a kid with a fever, who is not feeling well, who won the lottery. All of this information will help us understand how the workday will proceed.
To be sure, when we talk about the importance of coffee in Italy, we are really talking about the importance of RELATIONSHIP MAINTENANCE.
Less of a commitment than, say, Lunch, coffee is a cheap and quick way (always on your feet, by the way, only sit down for a coffee if you are contemplating marriage or reuniting with an old friend after a twenty-year absence) to reconnect and let the other person know that you are STILL COOL.
You can also use that 5-minute coffee time together to: strategize, thank, get to know, welcome, say goodbye, seal an important deal, or plan a boardroom coup.
The sky is the limit.
Never underestimate the power of coffee in Trieste.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Two Triestine Sounds I Forgot
Sound 1
Mah. Definition: Well is that so?! I would have to disagree there.
Example.
"The candidate for Mayor of Trieste declared that he was an honest guy."
"Mah."
Sound 2
Meh. Definition. Nothing Special. It was just ok.
Example.
"How was the new Star Wars movie?"
"Meh."
Mah. Definition: Well is that so?! I would have to disagree there.
Example.
"The candidate for Mayor of Trieste declared that he was an honest guy."
"Mah."
Sound 2
Meh. Definition. Nothing Special. It was just ok.
Example.
"How was the new Star Wars movie?"
"Meh."
Monday, May 2, 2016
Speaking Using Triestine Sounds
Communicating in Trieste is not just about language. It is about attitude. It is also about SOUNDS. I have never found a dictionary of Triestine sounds, so I thought I would build an ad hoc one for you.
I hope this helps!
Sound 1.
"Eh" (like the E in BED) = definition 1. Yes, I told you so. You should have listened to me, but you didn't and now look at you!
Example:
"You were right, Mother-in-Law. Again. I guess I should have listened to you!"
"Eh!"
Definition 2. As an answer to How Are you?
Example:
"Come xe?"
"Eh..." (shake head and look down at the same time to indicate that life is too terrible for words)
Sound 2.
BOH! (pronounced just like it says) = definition. I do not know. But like a teenager would say it, without words. (mm MMM mmm!)
"How did you do on your Math test?"
"Boh!"
Sound 3
Tongue Click at the front of your mouth= definition: no.
Example:
"Did the cilantro come in this week at Curry Mix in Via Torri Bianca?"
Tongue Click (no).
Sound 4
"Madonna!" This is a word but it is used like a SOUND. Definition: Yes!
"Were there a lot of people walking at Barcola last weekend?"
"Madonna!!"
There you go. Your Triestine sound guide. Remember, you can get away without using them, but you should be able to recognize them when you hear them. Ustia!!!
I hope this helps!
Sound 1.
"Eh" (like the E in BED) = definition 1. Yes, I told you so. You should have listened to me, but you didn't and now look at you!
Example:
"You were right, Mother-in-Law. Again. I guess I should have listened to you!"
"Eh!"
Definition 2. As an answer to How Are you?
Example:
"Come xe?"
"Eh..." (shake head and look down at the same time to indicate that life is too terrible for words)
Sound 2.
BOH! (pronounced just like it says) = definition. I do not know. But like a teenager would say it, without words. (mm MMM mmm!)
"How did you do on your Math test?"
"Boh!"
Sound 3
Tongue Click at the front of your mouth= definition: no.
Example:
"Did the cilantro come in this week at Curry Mix in Via Torri Bianca?"
Tongue Click (no).
Sound 4
"Madonna!" This is a word but it is used like a SOUND. Definition: Yes!
"Were there a lot of people walking at Barcola last weekend?"
"Madonna!!"
There you go. Your Triestine sound guide. Remember, you can get away without using them, but you should be able to recognize them when you hear them. Ustia!!!
Italian Birthday Parties
Here is what you need to know if your kid is in Pre-School (I will update you next year for the rules on Elementary).
1. Once your kid enters Scuola Materna,it is all over for you you have officially entered the "Party Circuit."
2. You are expected to go to your kid's birthday parties and stay the entire time.
3. There are a lot of parties.
4. Normally the entire class is invited.
5. Yes, your time will come!
Survival Guide
If you are new in town or at the school, we suggest you go to the parties your kid is invited to. This will help your kid integrate and you can meet other parents, who may actually be nice people. The first year this is especially important. Making friends with other parents means you can occasionally help each other out (you are on a business trip, need a playdate until daddy gets there, that kind of thing). These can be very valuable relationships, particularly if you do not speak the language, or need some help navigating "The System."
Italians are social animals, and they are a high-context culture, which means they read into EVERYTHING and actually find MEANING in things that we can't even begin to understand. Imagine a whole country that sees the world and interprets it like (I was as) a teenage girl. Not going to parties can send a message that you are too good for them or snobby. (The same goes for that morning coffee at work with your colleagues. Don't skip it!!).
Every class has a handful of people who love organizing a group gift. This is great for you! Let someone else buy the present. You can pay them at the party.
The Best Part about Italian Birthday Parties:
You may luck out like we did! Since we put my daughter in a Slovenian school (in Italy), many of the birthday parties we go to are at Osmizzas (woo hoo! The Parents make wine!!) and there is a party within the party-- the kids run around like wild hellions in the courtyard, and the parents sip on terrano wine and chow down on homemade cold cuts and cheese while looking the other way. This is great for those of us whose party wings have been clipped since entering into parenthood!
Last week we went to a party in Repen and there were HORSES for the kids to ride. Not only that, at some point an elderly couple walked by with a couple of the biggest cows I had ever seen. The kids acted as if it were planned by the birthday girl's parents and followed the cows down the street until they realized they were just neighbors walking home after letting their cows hang out on some pasture in the area. Where were the parents, you ask? What kind of traffic can there be with two cows in the street anyway? Back to the wine!
When it is YOUR turn to host:
You may want to find a kid with a birthday around the same time and double up. Other parents will thank you and you can share the expenses. The more the merrier. Hopefully the person you are sharing with has already thought of everything.
Here is what is on the menu, just so you know.
Food
Potato Chips
Cocktail weenies wrapped in some kind of puffed pastry
Baked Ham or cured prosciutto, Cheese, bread
Pizza that someone's mom made or mini round pizzas from the bakery
Open-faced Nutella sandwiches
Drinks
Wine & Beer for the parents
Water
Coke (which all kids will take and then complain that it is too spicy and parents will add water to it)
Orange soda
Juice (that no one will drink)
The Cake
No simple sheet cakes here, no Siree! The cake here is a creamy affair with pudding and whipped something or other, a shot of rum, and a small layer of actual cake. And it is SHOCKINGLY EXPENSIVE and sold by weight. The bakery will recommend you feed each kid a minimum of 5 kilos each and make you feel like the worst parent in the world if you don't (the kids will take one half bite and give the other 4.9999999999 kilos to you and you will finish it because you know how much it cost).
There is one cake per (birthday) kid (you are responsible for ordering the one for your kid and getting it to the venue responsibly). The insulated styrofoam box you transport it in is going to set you back 50 euros as a deposit that you will get back as soon as you return it back to the bakery.
Your party should be after lunch and will last until about dinner time. So put the start time.
3pm, but no need to put the end time, because everyone knows the party is over when the cake comes out...
...unless the party is in an osmizza, in which case the party is over when the Red wine is all gone and the pitcher stops getting filled up.
Then it is time to go.
1. Once your kid enters Scuola Materna,
2. You are expected to go to your kid's birthday parties and stay the entire time.
3. There are a lot of parties.
4. Normally the entire class is invited.
5. Yes, your time will come!
Survival Guide
If you are new in town or at the school, we suggest you go to the parties your kid is invited to. This will help your kid integrate and you can meet other parents, who may actually be nice people. The first year this is especially important. Making friends with other parents means you can occasionally help each other out (you are on a business trip, need a playdate until daddy gets there, that kind of thing). These can be very valuable relationships, particularly if you do not speak the language, or need some help navigating "The System."
Italians are social animals, and they are a high-context culture, which means they read into EVERYTHING and actually find MEANING in things that we can't even begin to understand. Imagine a whole country that sees the world and interprets it like (I was as) a teenage girl. Not going to parties can send a message that you are too good for them or snobby. (The same goes for that morning coffee at work with your colleagues. Don't skip it!!).
Every class has a handful of people who love organizing a group gift. This is great for you! Let someone else buy the present. You can pay them at the party.
The Best Part about Italian Birthday Parties:
You may luck out like we did! Since we put my daughter in a Slovenian school (in Italy), many of the birthday parties we go to are at Osmizzas (woo hoo! The Parents make wine!!) and there is a party within the party-- the kids run around like wild hellions in the courtyard, and the parents sip on terrano wine and chow down on homemade cold cuts and cheese while looking the other way. This is great for those of us whose party wings have been clipped since entering into parenthood!
Last week we went to a party in Repen and there were HORSES for the kids to ride. Not only that, at some point an elderly couple walked by with a couple of the biggest cows I had ever seen. The kids acted as if it were planned by the birthday girl's parents and followed the cows down the street until they realized they were just neighbors walking home after letting their cows hang out on some pasture in the area. Where were the parents, you ask? What kind of traffic can there be with two cows in the street anyway? Back to the wine!
When it is YOUR turn to host:
You may want to find a kid with a birthday around the same time and double up. Other parents will thank you and you can share the expenses. The more the merrier. Hopefully the person you are sharing with has already thought of everything.
Here is what is on the menu, just so you know.
Food
Potato Chips
Cocktail weenies wrapped in some kind of puffed pastry
Baked Ham or cured prosciutto, Cheese, bread
Pizza that someone's mom made or mini round pizzas from the bakery
Open-faced Nutella sandwiches
Drinks
Wine & Beer for the parents
Water
Coke (which all kids will take and then complain that it is too spicy and parents will add water to it)
Orange soda
Juice (that no one will drink)
The Cake
No simple sheet cakes here, no Siree! The cake here is a creamy affair with pudding and whipped something or other, a shot of rum, and a small layer of actual cake. And it is SHOCKINGLY EXPENSIVE and sold by weight. The bakery will recommend you feed each kid a minimum of 5 kilos each and make you feel like the worst parent in the world if you don't (the kids will take one half bite and give the other 4.9999999999 kilos to you and you will finish it because you know how much it cost).
There is one cake per (birthday) kid (you are responsible for ordering the one for your kid and getting it to the venue responsibly). The insulated styrofoam box you transport it in is going to set you back 50 euros as a deposit that you will get back as soon as you return it back to the bakery.
Your party should be after lunch and will last until about dinner time. So put the start time.
3pm, but no need to put the end time, because everyone knows the party is over when the cake comes out...
...unless the party is in an osmizza, in which case the party is over when the Red wine is all gone and the pitcher stops getting filled up.
Then it is time to go.
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