Thursday, August 31, 2017

It's Almost September and I can't find my Pants

Living in Italy means embracing August. August is not for working. It is for going to the beach, drinking wine, eating fried food at sagras and waiting in long lines to come and go on your big road trip to somewhere just a bit nicer than where you actually are.

Joy as an expat comes when you do as the Italians do and trade in your shoes for flip-flops (infra-ditto), pack a cold lunch and head to the beach from dawn til dusk.

But tomorrow is September 1st and I have to go do "real" work (definition of real work: go to an office where you can't wear shorts or flip-flops).

Here is the rub... I can't find my shoes OR my pants.

See, I am living out of a suitcase and when I packed it 1) I was sure we would be in the new house at the beginning of August and 2) it was hot and who wants to think about long pants or closed shoes when it's hot?

I think I can rustle something up. Let's just hope the temperature change that is in the forecast doesn't require SOCKS, because then I will seriously be in a pickle.

Wish me luck.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Can we PLEASE Unplug our Children?

I know I am not the only one who has noticed that our kids have become sassy, grumpy, and dissatisfied in general, and this has a positive correlation with the amount of time they spend watching t.v., playing with parents' phones, ipads, playstations, etc.

It's time we admit that screens are addictive and counter-productive to becoming the happy, social creatures we humans are meant to be. This is especially so for our kids. I can't tell you how many times this summer I witnessed kids sitting together at tables, in parks, at peoples' houses. They are playing on their devices but not talking to each other.

In fun situations, they are not having fun because they are not getting their technology fix. Instead, they are giving their parents the stink eye and pouting. They know exactly how to get our attention, too. Some scream until we get embarrassed and give in, others cry and have a fit, still others just fume and silently hate us.

And then we give in. Why is it so hard for us to stick to our instinct (which clearly states that the phone or ipad is getting in the way of normal behavior). Do we really fear our children's wrath so much? Is this how we think we are earning their love?

Yes, it's our fault, parents. We can't say no. It is easier to say yes. We want to talk to our friends, we can't bear the thought of our little sweeties getting bored, we think we have to keep them entertained at all times and at all costs. We feel guilty for a million other things, and we want our children to love us.

But this, my friends, is not how we communicate love. We have to stop equating giving kids everything they want with love and acceptance. We have to be a strong point of reference that protects our children from things we know are harmful. Our kids love us more when we create security and protect them. We are not the same. Just because we look at our phones all the time does not mean that our kids have the right to do the same. (We should also cut down, by the way).

It's back to school time and the teacher in me is coming out to give orders. It's time for me to give you permission to do what your kids will hate, but will give you inner peace sometime in the future because you know you are doing the right thing. What we need to do is create a NEW CULTURE in the house.

It's time to snuff out the bad habit of not allowing our kids to get bored (which leads to creativity and a simpler, healthier kind of playing and happiness).

If your kids have not gone back to school yet, you can already start. Get into the habit of being a mean mom or dad (and reap the benefits). Here is how.

Create some new rules.
1. No T.V. or electronic devices during the week.

At my house, we parents also don't watch t.v. during the week, which we think takes away valuable time from talking, reading, and doing other things together. The first week is hard. The second week is heavenly.

2. Teach kids what time means the tough way.

Saturdays became ALL ABOUT T.V. when we stopped watching during the week, so I added another rule. For every hour of t.v. (or tech) you have to complete a nature walk with your mother (I can use the exercise) before the weekend is through. When Sweetie watched 2.5 hours of t.v. we ended up doing a 9-mile walk the same day. You can bet her hunger for t.v. cooled after that!

3. Just say NO!

A kid not getting their way in the short term is painful for them and for you. It is counter-intuitive but when  you say no to harmful habits and behaviors and create positive routines as a result your children will love you MORE, not less!

Your kid may talk like an adult at times, but she is not. She is a kid. She does not get to make all of the decisions. She can make some of them. Also, kids automatically say no to what they are not familiar with. If you want to try a new experience that you know your child will love, make the decision in her best interest. Do not get her permission first!

4. Let them get bored.

When we were little, our parents sent us outside to play when we drove them nuts. Sometimes they locked  us out to make sure we stayed out there. We don't do that to kids nowadays, but the idea is clear. You as a parent are not responsible for making sure your kid is entertained at all times. If you keep the t.v. off and do something else (like make dinner or clean out your sock drawer), chances are your kid will do something amazingly adorable (like help you make dinner or clean out her sock drawer or make you a beautiful piece of art or write in her diary). The key is she has to get to the point of boredom.

My friend Monica loves to tell kids that in French (and in Italian) Being bored is a reflexive verb, as in "I bore myself" Je m'ennuie, Mi annoio. So, happily point out (when the complaining begins) that boring yourself is a choice and she has all the tools to fix it.

A quick reminder:

Doing the right thing takes courage. You will feel pressure not only from your children and other family members but you quickly see that other parents do not share your courage. This will make you feel terrible as you go out for dinner with another couple and their child who is happily playing on mom's phone while yours is looking at you with that pleading look of desperation. Yes, these moments are hard, but, if you stick to your guns, it will be your child who comes to you later to say.

"Wow, were those kids boring. They were on their phones the whole time!"

Good luck and STAY COURAGEOUS, parents! We are in this together.

Monday, August 28, 2017

Three Sagras in One Weekend

Sagra della Sardella -- Trieste

Saturday night we went to the Sagra della Sardella to see Lorenzo Pilat do his last gig of the summer. If you haven't seen him yet, try to catch him while you can. Everyone knows that Triestini have a pact with the devil as far as longevity, but Pilat is 79 and still playing his one-man show and singing everyone's favorites: Tram d'Opcina, Finanziere, etc. I don't know how long he can keep it up...

The Sagra della Sardella has changed locations over the years. It started out having something to do with actual water (Sardella is a fish after all) but it didn't last on the Rive for long. When I went for the first time a few years ago it was already in the outskirts of town at Campanelle. Now it is held on the Horse track (Ippodromo), which is an odd place for a Sagra, but it's not a bad location after all. There is lots of space and parking is easier. The food is good and the prices are fair. The wine isn't great, but you get what you pay for.

Festa del Pescatore -- Santa Croce

It was a lazy Sunday and we weren't sure what to do after lunch. In the end we went to Santa Croce to a mini-sagra celebrating its fishing heritage. Santa Croce was the only fishing village in the Carso (it looks down over the Filtri, if you like to go to the beach in the less crowded areas). They had activities for kids and a tug of war competition between folks from the inland part of the village and those looking over the sea. I am not sure who won because I was back in the giardinetto eating and drinking. There was a nice selection of fried seafood and a surprising plate with a grilled tuna steak, boiled potatoes and veggies. I found a veggie option: Capuzzi and Fasoi (my favorite). They also had fried zucchini and eggplant. The food was yummy and not too expensive and the wine was local.

Sagra di Prosecco -- Prosecco

On the way home we stopped at the Sagra in Prosecco where some of the guys working on my house were camping out and working from Friday- Sunday night slinging Civapcici by day and partying by night. I wasn't sure what they had to do with Prosecco because normally the people who live in the village that is holding the Sagra organize the weekend of events with proceeds going to their cultural association. Churches also hold Sagras.

This sagra was different, however. When we got there we saw that it was organized by the TLT or the Triestine Independence Movement.  So there was lots of talk of the good old days when it was the Free Territory of Trieste. The food was typical Sagra food: Meat and french fries, Palacinke (crepes), and beer and wine.

The highlight of the Prosecco sagra was music in Triestine and a set by DJ Zippo, who basically holds a sagra-wide aerobics class. Everyone gets into it and does the synchronised dances of the summer. Super fun.



Thursday, August 24, 2017

We Heart the Riposino in the Summer

I don't know about you but this Summer thing is getting out of hand. I feel like every day I wake up saying "now TODAY I am REALLY going to be good. No spritzes, no staying up late..." and then, BAM, some kind of special occasion comes up and one spritz leads to another and blah blah blah.

That's Trieste in the summer (and winter, too, come to think of it). Friends visiting, last night in Trieste, gotta celebrate and STARE INSIEME...

So, it's a good moment to remind you of the importance of another Triestino summer classic, The RISPOSINO. It's that little rest you take after lunch because you can because you are not quite back on your full winter schedule or you still have some vacation days left or it's your day off. No, don't call it a siesta. We are in Italy, remember, and that word is Spanish. No code switching.

Sleep during the day is beautiful. I just got up from my little nap and feel like I have a second chance at life. I hope you got one in, too!


Can I ask you something??

Why isn't the statue of Giuseppe Verdi in Piazza Verdi? I mean, it's just so confusing!! For years, when I wanted to meet up with people I would have conversations that went something like this:

Let's meet up where Verdi is. 

Where? Piazza Verdi? 

No. Wait? Which one is that? The one by Teatro Verdi or the one where Verdi is sitting down, because they are both Piazzas but I can't remember what they are called. 

Verdi VERDI is in Piazza San Giovanni and Piazza Verdi is that other one behind that big yellow building that has no stores in it because the rent is so high. 

Yeah, they sell studio apartments in that place for like half a million euros. Does anyone live there? It looks like a ghost building to me. 

Where are we meeting again? 

Piazza Goldoni. 

Is that the one with the giant glass cd tower across the street next to the fountain by cremcaffè?..

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Delfino Verde - Take the Boat to the Beach from Downtown

If you're looking for a cheap thrill before real life starts again in September, especially for kids, the Delfino Verde is a good option. It's run by a private company but has contracts with Trieste Trasporti, the local bus company, and APT, the bus company that takes you further afield (like to the Airport).

The Delfino has three lines departing from Molo dei Bersaglieri in downtown Trieste.

1. Muggia (Trieste Trasporti)
2. Barcola/Grignano/Sistiana (Trieste Trasporti)
3. Grado  (APT)

This summer I decided to get a 10-ride pass so that Eva and I could have five trips to Muggia, which is a great place for a walk and some ice cream, or to go swimming and lay on the beach (we walk about 10 minutes and choose a different place each time. Some beaches are free and others you pay for but have more services (like bathrooms and restaurants). While the view from the Muggia side is not as pretty as Barcola or other beaches on the Trieste side, kids love boat rides and a trip to Muggia is easy peasy. The historic center is also quite cute and feels like mini Venice. I don't have a car, and the busses to Barcola are always super packed in the summer, as are the beaches in that direction, so Muggia worked out for us this year.

The down side is that kids pay (on the city bus kids are free up to age 10, at least in 2017) and if you want to ride together you have to have two tickets. This means I had to buy two ten-trip passes, which cost 13.50*2. I thought that was dumb, but, then again, I just couldn't get myself to pay 7.90 each for one round trip. We have only gone twice so far, but that's okay. The Muggia line runs all year, so we will eventually get those rides in.

Another cheap option is to take the Delfino Verde in one direction and then take the city bus back. We did that both times (I have a yearly bus pass and Eva rides free). Bus 20 leaves from the Bus station in Muggia and takes you all the way downtown to the station in Trieste. Eva got her boating fix two days in a row and we still have 8 more chances to go.

As an aside, and because I am talking about Bus lines this week, Bus 20 also stops at the Free Time shopping mall and that is the one that has Decathlon, for cheap sporting goods. Just so you know. Keep Bus 20 in mind when Carneval time comes again. Muggia does Carneval in spectacular fashion and who wants to drive anyway?






Watch Where you Step

It is FIG season, people!! The worst thing to hit the bottoms of your sandals since you know what! The telltale signs are the same, but figs don't smell bad.

Beware when walking on grass!!

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Good Times in Your 40s

Today's bus sensations will give you the best sea views possible and a cultural experience, all for the price of a bus ticket.

Behold as we discuss the magic of bus numbers 42, 44, and 46.

They all start in Piazza Oberdan (if your back is to that statue in the middle and you are looking at the starting point of the Tram d'Opcina, the bus stop is to your left) and finish in Opicina (42), Villaggio del Pescatore (44) and Samatorza (46).

The advantage of these busses is that they take you up to the Carso, which is the upper part of Trieste that is full of great places to go walking, enjoy nature, and drink wine. I like them because you get a good dose of the international flavor of Trieste. You will hear people speaking Slovene (the Carso is largely Slovene speaking), Italian, Triestino, English, German, and even Urdu and Turkish.

All three busses go up to Prosecco (don't confuse this Prosecco with the one that makes sparkling wine), which is the first stop in the Carso (actually Contovello is a few meters before but let's not get too technical) so there is less of a wait. It is a 25-minute ride. My advice: get on the bus and sit down 10 minutes before departure, as these fill up fast and standing up can be challenging while the bus makes its ascent. Sit on the left side if you are going up and on the right side if you are going down. If you can't get a seat, go to the middle and wrangle your way in to the spot where wheelchairs go (rarely).

Hang on for dear life.







Monday, August 21, 2017

Life with Pets in Trieste

For those of you who do not know, Luna, my sweet yellow lab, is no longer with us. She had a wonderful and full life of 13 years and having a dog in Trieste was an amazing experience that I hope to repeat soon.

Here is why:

1. You can take your dog just about everywhere in Trieste, even into stores and restaurants. Train your little yipper to be respectful in public places and you will not believe how many people will bring her a bowl of water even without your asking for it.

2. It's a great way to make friends. We met wonderful couples with kids because they asked us to pet our Luna and we planned follow-up play dates  osmiza outings with them.

3. There are opportunities to do meaningful things with your dog here. We did both Salvataggio in Acqua and Pet Therapy with Luna. All in all she did 6 years of doggy training that resulted in a super sweet and obedient dog, but also super memories of doing extraordinary things with Luna, like the times we did doggy Lifeguard demos in front of Piazza Unita, where you are normally not allowed in the water.

4. If you have a baby at Burlo in Trieste and you tell them you have a dog, they will give you your baby's first blanket to take home to the dog so that she recognizes the new member of the family the moment she comes home from the hospital. Seriously, when we brought Eva home, Luna looked up, and went back to sleep (on the new baby's blanket, which became her doggy bed for the winter months of the next several years).

5. Dogs can go swimming in the sea here in specific places and times (early morning and evening are best recommended).

6. The bike path in Trieste is so beautiful it is a shame not to share it with a dog, don't you think?

7. Vets are wonderful people and even do house calls in extreme cases. Write to me in private for my favorites.

Some things to know about having pets in Trieste.

You need to register your pet via micro-chip when that pet becomes yours and you also need to notify the Comune when your animal dies. The vet will give you a certificate of death that you bring with you. The hours are strange (9-11am weekdays and 4-6pm on Mondays and Wednesdays I think) so check the website first.

But let's not dwell on death, let's talk about LIFE, which is super mega awesome when you have beasts in your life.

Rest In Peace.
Luna Steckley Meng
August 3, 2004- August 1, 2017


Meet the 25 and the 41- Our Featured Busses of the Day!

Those of us who rely on our feet and Trieste Trasporti know the city as well as any pizza delivery person but we would be terrible pizza delivery people because it would take us forever to get your pizza to you, even if we can see the exact bus stop in our mind's eye.

That being said, in spite of 14 odd years of bus travel, I am still adding new bus lines to my reportoire.

Today I would like to talk to you about my two new faves, the 25 bus and the 41.

This is where you can get information on the different busses. The site is not translated into English (whaaa?) so this is the most exact page with the areas the different numbers go. If you click on the blue writing, you will get the bus schedule for that particular line.

The 25. Comes frequently.

This one goes from Piazza della Borsa to Cattinara hospital and back. It is an interesting bus because it doesn't start from the Station like most of the busses in Trieste, so it allows you to get closer to places like Piazza Unità without that extra 10-minute schlep. I am currently using it to avoid walking up a monstrous hill that takes me to Chiadino, where I am staying until my house is done getting did. Chiadino has really breathtaking views of Trieste and... that's about it. There are some super villas and mega beautiful places that feel like they are in the middle of the country even though you are about a 15 minute walk from the city (going down) and a quick bus ride up (take the 25 at the Portici, which is the corner of Via Battisti and Via Carducci, if you want). The 25 also takes you up Via Marchesetti if you want a faster trip down from MIB to the city or if your kid goes to school near Cattinara.

The 41. Comes almost never. 

This bus defies gravity. It starts at the Station and takes you as far as Bagnoli (Val Rosandra), which is arguably the prettiest part of town if you don't like towns. The first puzzle is why the bus is so small, until you realize how few people are crazy enough to live where it goes and/or not have a car if they do. Especially fun is the near vertical SALITA that starts at Domio and takes you up to Log and San Giuseppe and continues up to Moccò etc. You will have new respect for Triestine bus drivers as they stare death in the face at least 5 times on that stretch of what SHOULD be a one-way street.

Hope this helps! Happy Bus Riding!


Friday, August 11, 2017

A Glossary of Terms for Buying and Selling Property in Trieste

I have been busy lately. Last week I sold my apartment, and am currently renovating a house that we bought in foreclosure late last year. I moved out of my apartment in the meantime, and am now living in another place temporarily until my new house is ready to move into. Welcome to Italy, people-- where Life Happens in sloooooooowwwwww moooootttttiiiiioooooonnnnn!

Since it is fresh in my mind, I thought I would put together a quick run-down of what selling your house (and thus buying) often looks like. First, I should warn you, if you are asking for a mortgage from a bank, it is going to take 2-3 months to get the okay (or the thumbs down). If you know you are looking for something, it makes sense to go to the Bank first and get an idea what you can afford and get a preliminary ok. It doesn't change things a whole lot, but at least it forces you to get your paperwork together ahead of time and that will save you headaches later.

Here are the people involved in the hullaballoo.

1. L'Aquirente: This is the Buyer
2. Il Proprietario: The Owner who is also...
3. Il Venditore, The Seller
4. The Perito: This is the person who comes to your house at the request of the Bank (it costs about 300 euros. Normally banks won't send this person unless they are pretty sure they will give you the money, although I may be wrong). They need to put a value on your house for that Lien (ipoteca), which is the guarantee for your mortgage. He or she will also check to make sure your place looks like the official drawings and that you haven't snuck in any extra rooms or bathrooms without going through the necessary paperwork (lavori abusivi). The values they come up with can vary greatly depending on who is asking them to do the work. For example, when I was buying our new house, the court gave the house a value of about 30.000 euros more than the Perito the bank hired to give us a mortgage on it. It is not an exact science.
4. The Geometra: they are often the same as the Perito. They deal with plans for your house, values, that kind of thing. They work along with architects and can be specialized in different aspects of building.
5. The Notaio: Not a notary public, but more like a lawyer who is in charge of overseeing the sale of the property. They are paid a percentage of selling price of the house. They oversee the Preliminario contract (an agency can also do this) where there is a downpayment (una caparra) and the definitivo (the closing).
6. The Banca: the Bank
7. The Catasto: The Land registry. This is where you can ask for the Visura Catastale that gives you more information on the property you are interested in buying or selling. Only the owner can ask for it (maybe a perito or a notary can do it too). You are expected to show it to anyone who may be interested in buying your place, and you can ask for it if you are buying). 
8. The Tavolare: This is like the Catasto but seems to only exist in Trieste, or perhaps also in other ex-Hapsburg areas. Everything that gets registered with the Catasto also needs to be registered here.
9. Agenzia Immobiliare. If there is an agency involved, get ready to pay an astonishing 4% more if you are buying and 1-2% if you are selling. 

You can also sell da PRIVATO (without an agency) by listing your place yourself on a site like subito.it. You will have to answer the calls and inquiries and show your place on your own, but you can save a nice chunk of change. Beware, most of the people who call you will actually be agencies trying to talk you into listing with them.

I have never used an agency, so I know the process can be done without one. Also, there are less people selling without agencies so you get more visibility when people google and add  VENDE DA PRIVATO.

When coming up with a price, check the real estate websites to see what the market looks like for a place like yours in a neighborhood like yours in YOUR CITY. We sold our place for less than what we paid at the height of the bubble 13 years ago, but that was fine, since we also bought super low. It all comes out in the wash! If you are not getting any bites, that is an indication that your price is too high. And why is that? Decide what is more important: getting a few euros more (wait and be patient), or getting the money in the bank (lower and get rid of it!)

People like to buy houses that don't need much work, so if you want to sell fast, I hope you have a decent kitchen and the bathroom has been updated in the last 20 years (most in Trieste haven't been). This is also true for rentals. Update that bathroom, people!

Another consideration is to make sure you do work on your place using the correct procedures. Anything you do that is not above board will come back to haunt you later. Make sure your heating and electrical systems are A NORMA (up to code).

If you are doing work on your house, remember to always ask your accountant what you can get tax write offs on (this goes for everyone, not just freelancers). In my experience, workers don't like to do invoices when they can work in nero (under the table) but the savings for you can add up so let them know from the moment you ask for an estimate that you would like an invoice (lavoro con fattura).

Right now, for example, you can get 65% back over ten years (which is a long time, but you will never get a 65% discount any other way) on anything you spend for increasing energy efficiency in your home, and 50% for most other renovations. If you do this, make sure you get detailed information on how to make the payments and what to write on the money transfers and invoices (no cash allowed in these cases).

People have been very helpful in making sure we get things done right. They will for you, too, but you have to ask.

Hope this helps. Happy Home Hunting!



I love Jan Morris!

If you know anything about Trieste, it's probably because you read something by Jan Morris. She was a soldier during the days of the military government here after WWII. That was when she was a he. She was transgender before transgender was cool.

I mention it because I just finished her book, Conundrum, where she talks about her life and the process of going through a sex change. It is beautifully written. I especially enjoyed the parts where she talks about the difference in how people treated her before and after.

Here is my favorite excerpt (p. 131 if you borrow the copy we have in our library)

"It is hard for me now to remember what everyday life was like as a man- unequivocally as a man, I mean, before my change began at all. It amuses me to consider, for instance, when I am taken out to lunch by one of my more urbane men friends, that not so many years ago that fulsome waiter would have treated me as he is treating him. Then he would have greeted me with respectful seriousness. Now he unfolds my napkin with a playful flourish, as if to humour me. Then he would have taken my order with grave concern, now he expects me to say something frivolous (and I do). Then he would have pretended, at least, to respect my knowledge of wines, now I am not even consulted. Then he would have addressed me as a superior, now he seems to think of me (for he is a cheerful man) as an accomplice. I am treated of course with the conventional deference that a woman expects, the moving of tables, the wrapping of coats, the opening of doors: but I know that it is really deference of a lesser kind, and that the man behind me is the guest that counts.

But it soon all came to feel only natural, so powerful are the effects of custom and environment. Late as I came in life to womanhood 'a late developer', as somebody said of me- the subtle subjection of women was catching up on me, and I was adjusting to it in just the way women have adjusted down the generations."

By the way, this book was first published in 1974.

I liked her book on Trieste, Trieste and the Meaning of Nowhere. I also enjoyed The Venetian Empire.

Now I am eager to read some of her earlier work before the change. So fascinating.

Happy Reading this summer!