Monday, November 19, 2018

How Not to Look American -- from an American who sticks out

Triestini can spot their own kind from a Kilometer away. "You can tell by the way they walk... Check out those sunglasses!" My husband says, "Italiani in vacanza!!"

The Triestini say the Germans wear sandles with socks and, in summer, they are anywhere they can be naked (boats, nudie camping grounds, anywhere in Croatia...).

Americans are also abbastanza obvious. Use this guide and maybe you can fool the Triestini (not likely), or at least not stick out too much.

1. Yellow gold.

Leave it at home (it's considered old-fashioned) unless it's your wedding ring. White gold is okay.

2. The Diamond Engagement ring.

Triestini don't do engagement rings. They would prefer that money go toward a down-payment for their very own apartment or an awesome vacation. Two rings on one finger means you are a widow/widower and you are wearing your deceased partner's ring.

3.  Bottles and Bottles of water.

What is it with Americans and obsessive hydration? American tourists can be spotted in European capitals wearing contraptions in the Baby Bjorn family designed for holding bottles of water. They seem to be hanging everywhere: on the backpack, over the shoulder, one in each hand. You might as well be wearing a sign that says: "I am not from here, please pick my pocket."

Having a bottle of water with you in your bag is fine. Many Italian cities have water fountains in various places where you can fill up your reusable bottles with "aqua del sindaco," and it is perfectly delicious (Trieste and Rome are great for this). Better yet, why not do like the Italians? Stop at a bar and order something to drink and have a conversation with someone or do some people watching! Be careful what you order if you don't want to stick out. According to my mother-in-law, "Water is for washing." She would order an espresso or a glass of wine.

4. White Tennies.

Italians prefer shoes that can work in both casual situations and in a professional context. Their reasoning is you can never be overdressed, only underdressed. For this reason, it is a safer bet to go dark, which is always more elegant than white, or, godforbid, dirty.

5. How you stand can make a difference.

This video by an ex-CIA Chief of Disguise explains that you can even spot an American a mile away because of how they have a tendency to lean on one leg rather than distribute weight evenly to both legs...

6. How you use space.

Americans are used to having lots of space and not having to touch anyone on public transportation. David Sedaris says you can spot an American on a metro in Paris because they "hug the pole" rather than hold on with one hand so that others can hang on, too.

Same with elevators. Americans will not get on a full elevator. They will wait for the next one. A European will squeeze in and be happy to be so close to the door so they can be the first off.

7. Going to the back of the line.

If there is a line, Americans will go to the back of it EVERY TIME.

I was just in Rome with American friends who have lived in Italy longer than I have. At the conference where we were presenting, they saw a line and went immediately to the back. I did not.

Like a good fake Italian (observer), I went to the front of the line to understand the situation. There were actually TWO lines: one for speakers (no waiting) and one for guests (big long line). I registered immediately and went back to rescue my friends.

All this is not to say that I don't look American. I do. I also sound American, but I do not look or act like a tourist. It's all about situational awareness. You want it to be clear that you know what's up!

You know me, I just want you to fit in!