Ask the Diavolo

A very stupid question I ask people when I get to know them is what their favorite pizza is. This is because I am almost always hungry and asking it gives me a good excuse to think about food.

In Italy you get a menu of about 80 varieties (give or take), which is a lot more choice than we normally have in the States, mainly because we order one big pizza and we share it. You only have so much freedom of choice when you have to negotiate with four or five different people (who almost always have strong opinions on the matter).

So this weekend I asked my students one by one what their favorite pizza was. Along with thinking about food, I am also interested in how people make decisions when there are lots of choices. I ask, and then I immediately judge them.

1. Do they decide by not deciding and always get the same?

If it's a Margarita, they are:
a. Under 10,
b. Picky eaters,
c. always on a diet,
d. risk averse
e. all the above

If it's a 4 formaggi they are:
a. Over 30
b. Like strong flavors
c. Have taken risks in the past but are finished with that now
d. are completely aware that their pizza is disastrous for their health but they "deserve" it because they work so hard.

2. Do they get the same pizza for a certain period of time and then move on to a different one?
This person also probably:

a. Reads every book by the same author before moving on to a new one
b. Is a fan of concept albums
c. Wears team colors the day their team plays
d. Is not afraid of commitment, but appreciates variety.


3. Do they purposefully get a different pizza each time?
That could mean he/she is:

a. a Risk taker
b. Respects processes
c. Loves food.
d. Gets bored easily.

4. Do they have the Pizzaiolo decide?
This person is:

a. adventurous
b. a show off
c. non-judgemental
d. has low expectations and therefore is always happy

So that's what I've got on my mind when this one girl says:

"I just love a pepperoni pizza!"

and I am like, "You would love America then, because that is one of the three pizzas that people can normally agree on."

1. Cheese pizza


2. Cheese & Sausage pizza


3. Cheese & Pepperoni pizza


But then the ex-pat in me kicked into gear and I got suspicious.

See, this girl didn't REALLY like pepperoni pizza, because, if she did, she would have said something like:

"I really love, but I don't know how you say in English, the DIAVOLA pizza. How you say... Devil Pizza?"

Because a Diavola is a cheese and pepperoni pizza (they call the pepperoni Piccante, but if that is hot for you, then, well, I probably won't invite you to my house for dinner, like ever).

So I'm like "You mean a PEPPERONI PIZZA?" and I google up an image of a DIAVOLA pizza and she's like:

NO NO NO!! NOT THAT! I MEAN THAT I REALLY LOVE PEPPERONI!

So then I have to come up with a good Equivalent in English. But there isn't one because who the hell likes Bell Peppers on their pizza?! Nobody!! Except for maybe some kook who gets the veggie pizza and they happen to throw some Green Peppers on it (which is the nastiest of the triplets, as sweet-tasting Red and Yellow Bell Peppers are nummy but completely out of place on a pizza).

Then she clarifies. "Yes, I love this pizza because the Peppers are FRIED."

And I think about it, and I want to be empathic and so I say, "Yeah, I guess I can see that, just about EVERYTHING tastes good FRIED."

And I do believe that when I say it. But then the conversation opens up and another guy (orders same pizza for 2-3 months then moves on to the next pizza) says

"If Pepperoni is Pepper, and Salamino piccante is Pepperoni, then how you say Salame?

which opens up a conundrum

Because then I'm like well there's a word called Salami, but I don't know if that is specific or if it's more like Summer Sausage.

Wait, says he. Summer sausage? You mean your cold cuts have seasons?

No, say I. I think Summer Sausage is more like you Friulani slice up and eat with polenta, and I google a picture of Summer Sausage and the class looks at me confused before Margarita girl says:

Let's just say Summer Sausage is meats in general, shall we?

What the hell do I care? I'm a vegetarian. If it's okay with the Italians, it's ok with me.